


The Difference Between Chance and Serendipity

by tyrannicalTestimony



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Adolescent Sexuality, Alternate Universe - High School, Anxiety Disorder, F/F, Friendship, Humanstuck, In which everyone is a Rosemary shipper, Paranoia, Pesterlog, lots of pesterlogs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-20
Updated: 2013-08-30
Packaged: 2017-12-08 23:41:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 37,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/767449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tyrannicalTestimony/pseuds/tyrannicalTestimony
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rose Lalonde's friends point out that the new girl in school, Kanaya Maryam, has been using every chance she can get to stare at Rose from a distance. </p><p>Rose, however, doesn't care about this new girl and prefers to write fanfictions about wizards and develop a closer relationship with her internet crush, who goes by the username grimAuxiliatrix. </p><p>Meanwhile, Kanaya Maryam tries to figure out how to break it to Rose that as chance would have it, she is the very same grimAuxiliatrix.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“Don’t look now but she’s staring at you again!” Jade said in a low voice, leaning close to Rose. Dave turned around to look at the girl Jade spoke about. He lowered his shades a bit, scrutinized the girl, and pushed them back up. 

“Yep,” he concluded, “She’s got it bad for ya, sis.” Next to him, John made a sort of “pffft” sound. 

“How do you know that, huh Dave? Are you some kinda romance master?”

“Nah, bro. That’s more like Vantas’ schtick. But I’m pretty sure anyone can tell that Maryam over there wants a piece of Lalonde ass.” 

“Ugh, don’t be gross, Dave.” John said, palming his face. Rose chuckled. 

“Yes, Dave. That was quite crass, even for you. Last I checked, you were trying to avoid speaking about your sister’s choice ass. Old Freudian habits die hard, I see.” She said coyly. 

The four of them had been friends since elementary school. Just thirteen days into the fourth grade, Dave and John had gotten into an argument. Rose was the “class mediator” for that week, and so she helped them work through it. It was quite a silly argument, really. Something about pee in apple juice. But we don’t talk about that anymore. Anyway, after that, John and Dave apologized to each other and eventually, Rose and Dave met John’s twin sister, Jade. 

Four years later and thirteen days later, Rose and Dave learned from their respective guardians that they were indeed related. Something about an ectobiology experiment run by SkaiaNet, the company Rose’s mom works for. We don’t talk about that either. But anyway, needless to say, things were awkward at first. But then they got used to it and they’ve been living in one household ever since. 

“Hey. No one said anything about your ass bein’ choice. Just that Maryam wants it. That’s a fact, a totally objective point of view. Straight up.” 

“Oh my goodness, Rose! She’s been staring at you this whole time. It’s so cute.” Jade said, flailing about a bit. “You have to talk to her!”

Rose glanced over at the girl’s direction. Despite her skin being several shades darker than her own, Rose could spot a hint of red in her cheeks. When her jade green eye caught Rose’s violet one, she instantly turned away and looked down. Vriska Serket, who was next to Maryam, began to interrogate her melodramatically. 

“What’s a hag like Serket doin’ talkin’ to a saint like Maryam?” 

“Vriska isn’t a hag! She’s really kinda nice…once you get to know her,” John said in a very unconvincing tone. “Anyway, she told me that before she moved here, umm...wait. What’s the new girl's first name?” 

“Maryam.” Dave promptly and incorrectly answered. 

“What?” Said John, eyebrows furrowed. “I thought that was her last name?” 

“Yep that too.” Dave said, his face completely deadpan. This was Dave Strider’s humor. Joke about things with a straight face. It worked for Rose, too. 

“So her name’s Maryam Maryam???” John looked genuinely concerned. Jade laughed out loud at that. 

“No, silly! Her name’s Kanaya. It’s such a pretty name.” Jade piped up. Rose just realized that she did know her name at all. She wasn’t present when Kanaya was introduced to the class three days ago.

“Oh! See, Karkat told me that but I totally forgot.”

“They’re cousins, aren’t they? Karkat and Kanaya?”

“Yep!” 

“All these family connections, man. And she knew the hag from her last town or something?” 

“Yeah, uh. She and Vriska,” John emphasized the name, “were childhood friends. Then Vriska moved here. And now I guess Kanaya happened to move here too!”

“Coincidences left and right.” Dave said, nodding his head. 

“Ughhh Rose. Can you just talk to her already??” Jade whined impatiently. Rose closed her eyes and crossed her arms. 

“There’s no need. I have no desire for new friendships, and definetly not for any romantic entanglements.” She opened her eyes again, looking at Jade. “And even if I did, it would not be with a spineless, bumbling idiot like Kanaya Maryam, fidgeting around every time I cast a glance in her direction.” Rose’s three friends stared at her in awe. John was the first to speak after a silence. 

“Geez, Rose. That’s kinda harsh, even for you. Don’tcha think?” He was right. John was usually right. Rose didn’t hate the new girl. It was just that…

“There’s something off-putting about her.” Rose sniffed and paused for a few seconds. “She reminds me of my mother.” 

“Howzzat?” Dave said, rubbing his nose.

“I don’t know. She’s just so…" Rose glanced back at the girl, who was berating Vriska on Tavros' behalf about something. "...motherly.” 

“Rose. Mom ain't motherly.” He had a point, too. The boys were on a roll. “How’s Kanaya anything like Mom, huh?” 

“She’s meddlesome. That’s like our mother.” 

“That's a terrible excuse.” Jade said, frowning. “And besides, you don't know that she's anything like your Mom for sure! You didn’t even remember her name! How would you know what she’s like unless you…” Jade proceeded to cup her mouth with her hands, “Taaalk to herrrr?” 

“Why should I? I’m not interested. If she wants to talk to me, she should make a move.” Rose said, and left it at that. 

\------

Later that day, after finishing her homework, Rose furiously typed away at her laptop. She was finishing up a chapter of her Complacency of The Learned fanfiction. She was thinking about making a new crossover fic with the Wizardy Herbert universe but was beginning to doubt herself. She had been sitting on the idea for days. She wanted to consult her closest internet friend, a girl who only went by her Pesterchum Chumhandle, grimAuxiliatrix. GA, however, had been missing in action for a few days. 

It had made Rose's heart ache a bit. 

Not that she'd ever let GA know that. She was not that vulnerable. But it was based on her reflections of the past few days that Rose finally admitted to herself that she did indeed have a crush on GA. And when GA finally logged in that day, Rose tried not to sound too eager. 

Play it cool, Lalonde. 

\--  tentacleTherapist [TT]  began pestering  grimAuxiliatrix [GA]  \--

TT: Hello.   
GA: Hello Rose   
TT: It has certainly been a while.   
TT: Oh! How I missed that beautiful jade-green text with a typing quirk that serves as a doppelganger of overly long titles and is oddly reminiscent of Fallout Boy songs.   
TT: And that lack of punctuation! Oh my.   
TT: Stand by for swooning.   
GA: Rose Its Only Been Three Days Or So   
GA: Also My Quirk Expresses My Individuality And In No Way Does It Reflect A Lack Of Grammatical Knowledge   
TT: I know.   
TT: You are the best beta a fanfiction author who dabbles in writing smut involving wizards and tentacles could ask for.   
GA: Thats A Very Small Percentage Of Your Work   
GA: But Okay When You Put It That Way   
TT: I do.   
TT: What kept you for three days, anyway?   
GA: Stuff   
TT: That’s helpful.   
TT: Why do you never tell me about yourself, again? I don’t even know your name.   
GA: Just Because You Told Me Your Name Doesnt Mean Im Obligated To Return The Favor   
TT: Yes, but that would be very…  
TT: Let me reach deep into the trenches of my vocabulary for a moment.   
TT: Nice.   
GA: Yes I Agree But I Just Dont Feel Too Comfortable About Sharing My Personal Details Online   
TT: I guess it can’t be helped.   
TT: When a girl says “no,” she means “no.”   
GA: Not Yet Anyway   
TT: Ah. Then, eventually?   
GA: Maybe  
TT: All right.   
TT: For the time being, I’ll only refer to you as GA.   
TT: Or perhaps as “gah.”   
TT: It’s so much more elegant.   
GA: Your Atrocious Sarcastic Insincerity Will Be Your Downfall One Day Ms Lalonde   
TT: And your lack of it will be yours.   
GA: Speaking Of Sarcasm I Know You Sincerely Missed Me So Spare Me Your Longwinded Denial   
TT: You know me too well.   
GA: Right   
GA: So How Was Your Day   
GA: Or Past Three Days  
TT: Ah. Trying to be civil, I see.   
TT: My day was fine, thank you. Nothing out of the ordinary.  
TT: Although there was a bit of a disturbance.  
GA: Disturbance  
TT: I’m going to assume you meant that as a question.   
TT: But yes.   
TT: There’s a new girl in school.   
GA: I See  
GA: What Do You Think Of Her   
TT: There’s not much to say on her behalf.   
TT: Although she seems like something of a nuisance.   
TT: ...   
TT: GA? Are you still there?   
GA: Yes Sorry I Was Distracted For A Minute   
GA: Anyway Im Sorry You Feel That Way About Her   
TT: I am too. I mean, she seems nice enough but I’m worried that she may get in the way.   
GA: Of What   
TT: Of…  
TT: Well, it’s difficult to say.   
TT: It isn't often that I have difficulty with words.   
TT: As you of all people are well aware.   
TT: It might be silly.   
TT: Because I don’t even know your name or what you look like.  
TT: But despite that, I've found myself to be very attracted to you and I think that I  
TT: I really, really like you, GA.   
TT: And I wish you’d tell me more about your personal life.   
TT: And maybe we’d find that we're  
TT: I don’t know?  
TT: Compatible?   
TT: In a romantic sense.   
TT: …  
TT: Please answer?   
TT: This wasn't easy for me.   
GA: Im Sorry Rose   
GA: I Have To Go   
GA: Well Talk Later   
TT: Wait!   
GA: Bye  


\--  grimAuxiliatrix [GA]  ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] \-- 

TT: Dammit.   


\------

Rose’s face still burned from that confession. She closed out of Pesterchum, hands shaking, and sighed. Why did GA leave so quickly? Maybe she was in some sort of trouble? Or maybe she was already involved in a relationship and didn’t want to reject Rose so out rightly? Or maybe she just knows nothing about this GA person other than their shared interests in the CoTL fandom. And yet…Rose trusted GA. She has the emotional intelligence of an amoeba, but she knew she trusted and…yes, even loved GA. If she was even capable of those kinds of feelings. 

Yet she couldn’t help but think that it might be all over with GA. Her response was something akin to a rejection. There was no doubt about it. Rose read over the conversation and her heart plummeted once again. She tried to reassure herself that it would be all right. Who knows if engaging in an online relationship would be healthy at all, especially if this person did not want to reveal any information about herself…if GA is even a she. Yes. Trying to pursue that relationship could be dangerous. And yet…she trusted GA. Argh! That feeling again. Such indecisiveness. Rose was beginning to be annoyed by her own emotional theatrics. 

She shifted her thoughts to something else. Or more precisely, someone else. Maryam. This new girl was beautiful. Gorgeous, in fact. There was no doubt about that. But what she had in beauty, she lacked in tact. Unlike the mysterious GA, Rose could see right through Maryam. By the look of her clothes, one could easily recognize that she was a very fashion-minded person. A little shallow, if you asked Rose. She also looks like she enjoys reading. Probably trashy romance novels, Rose mused. She herself enjoyed a good romance herself, but novel ones involving elegant warlocks and witches who dabble in dark arts and the realm of mystifying creatures. Maryam probably likes Twilight or some dribble. Rose scoffed at the thought. 

But between GA’s rejection and her friends’ insistence that she talk to the new girl, Rose decided something that night: 

She would talk to Kayaka Maryam.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These two are difficult to write.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Doing some perspective switching and world-building.  
> Hope you guys enjoy.

Kanaya’s hands shook as she backed away from her computer and went downstairs to make some tea. She couldn’t believe she just logged off on Rose like that. She’d have to come up with an excuse for it later. Actually, she couldn’t believe she got herself into this situation in the first place. 

She had been reading tentativeThalamus’ CoTL fanfictions for about a year and discovered that she was basically the best author in the entire fandom. She wrote so well, it was almost as if she wrote the books themselves. So it came as a surprise to Kanaya that Rose liked her work as well. About six months ago, Rose made a post about needing a beta for her work and so, naturally, Kanaya offered to step up to the plate. Rose agreed to this and in the following months, they exchanged personal Pesterchum chumhandles and began to talk. 

Rose told Kanaya her full name and that she lived “somewhere in New York state.” And when Kanaya’s mother told her they were moving to Potsdam, NY near her cousin Karkat and her childhood friend Vriska, she never expected to find her closest online friend in the same town. 

Online, Rose talked about herself quite a bit, and she recognized this herself. She told Kanaya it was because she usually kept these things to herself, and it was nice to let it all out. She talked about her mother’s passive aggressive antics and how she believes her mother’s negligence of her is what may have perpetuated her attraction to girls. She talked about her sexuality and how she wasn’t sure yet where she belonged in the Kinsey scale. She had never actually felt any romantic feelings towards anyone before. 

She talked about her newly found twin brother and how angered she was by her mother as well as her twin brother’s guardian. But she also said it was pleasant to have someone new in the family. Her house was too large for a fifteen-year old girl and her crazy drunken mother anyway. She liked her brother’s guardian as well, who insisted on being called “Bro” but Rose stuck with calling him “Dirk.” Unlike Dave, Rose appreciated Dirk’s smuppet websites. 

She talked about her other friends too, the twins John and Jade. John is a pranking master who claims that his mortal enemy was Betty Crocker. He’s also something of “a shitty programmer” and a movie buff, which reminded Kanaya of Karkat immediately. Jade has the largest collection of squiddles in the Northeast, all which she keeps in her closet. Her interest in small happy octopi is juxtaposed with her enthusiasm for guns, as well as her interest in nuclear physics. 

But neither her twin brother nor her friends were interested in CoTL, and so they weren’t really involved in the fandom. And even if they were, Rose would never want them to find her works. That would ultimately ruin her. Her fanfictions were the most private part of her. Rose had expressed many times that Kanaya was the only person to know about both sides of her life. Her online friends knew nothing about her personal life and of course, vice versa. 

And Kanaya could understand why. Rose had great multi-chaptered action-oriented fics. But along the way, she also wrote a three or four smutty ones. And every time tentativeThalamus wrote smut, she would go all out: from bloodplay to bondage to mind control to her favorite genre, tentacle rape. It was shocking for Kanaya to see Rose’s chumhandle even contained the word “tentacle.” At least her friends knew about her fascination with zoologically dubious appendages, although not in the same setting Kanaya knew. 

Kanaya was not one to actively seek out smut. She was more about forbidden, yet still sweet, romantic love. But tentativeThalamus had such an excellent writing style, she could hardly resist. After talking to Rose and really getting to know her, it was hard to reconcile the two Rose’s; the one who has severe mommy issues and writes erotic wizard fiction, and the one in high school with three friends and normal teenager problems. 

But Kanaya never thought she’d have to reconcile these two sides outside of the online world. 

Never. 

Not until she moved to Potsdam, NY and introduced herself to her homeroom and English class. After roll call, Vriska looked over at three kids and an empty desk. She waved to the boy with glasses and buck teeth and then mumbled something like “Lalonde’s skipping I guess,” but Kanaya hadn’t really thought about it. Just some girl was absent, that was all. 

Vriska and Karkat, who did not get along so well with each other, were very helpful in situating Kanaya into the new school. They showed her to her classes and introduced her to a few more people. Kanaya knew the names Terezi, Tavros, Aradia, and a few others from Vriska over the years that they spoke online, but now she had faces to match the names. All of her anxiety about being at a new school melted away. After returning to her new home, she proceeded to help her mother unpack and finalize moving in. She hadn’t gotten a chance to get online. 

The next day was when everything changed.

Karkat brought out a class list and insisted that Kanaya add her name to it. There was also a section to add one’s Chumhandle. 

“…Um,” is all Kanaya had to say before Karkat interjected. 

“You don’t have to add your Chumhandle if you don’t want to. It’s better to do it so other people in the class can contact you if they need you need you for whatever. Or you could be like these assholes,” he gestured to a few names that had nothing written next to them, “And not write yours. It’s your choice.” 

Kanaya decided that there would be no harm in it and started to write her name. As she was about to write her Chumhandle, a name caught her eye. There it was, a perfectly stylized Rose Lalonde in purple ink. Her heart thumped in her chest. Could it be…? 

“What’s wrong, Fussyface?” Vriska said, using her old nickname for her. She followed Kanaya’s line of vision. 

“That’s…” Kanaya said, almost in a whisper. 

“Pffft haha. Check it out, Vantas!” Karkat looked at Rose’s name too. 

“Oh god. Yeah of course Lalonde didn’t write her Chumhandle on here. Every time I read hers, it’s like I’m being fuckin’ violated in ways I didn’t know possible.”

“Yeah, same! I thought I was the only one who read it as tentacle-the-rapist.” Vriska laughed and turned her attention to her friend, whose face was turning as white as a ghost. Kanaya’s heart was thudding hard in her chest now. Her hands were feeling somewhat sweaty and her head was spinning. 

_Rose?_

_As in, Rose Lalonde?_

_Why is Rose here? How?_

_Why._

She tried to open her mouth, but it felt both sticky and dry. Her body was starting to feel uncomfortably warm. There was no mistaking it now. She was in the same school as her favorite fanfic author. 

“What’s up with you, Kanaya? You look kinda sick.” Karkat said, crossing his arms and scrutinizing her face. 

“I’m fine,” Kanaya coughed and cleared her throat. “It’s nothing. I think I’ll um…add my Chumhandle on here when I get to know the class better and feel comfortable about it.” 

“Yeah sure, that’s fine.” Said Vriska, shrugging. “It’s not a big deal.” A few other students came in, who Kanaya recognized as Tavros, Aradia, Sollux, and Terezi. Kanaya quickly found out that even though Vriska and Karkat weren’t too close, their friend groups overlapped. And as she found out, some of them overlapped with another friend group. 

Terezi shouted from across the room to a blonde boy in sunglasses, sitting next to the boy that Vriska waved to before. 

“Hey Mr. Coolguy!” 

“Yeah yeah, sup TZ.” He said with nod. 

“Where’s your sister? Are ‘The Kids’ finally breaking up?” Terezi snickered. Kanaya later learned that this friend group had earned this name because they had been together for so long and they always coordinated their schedules so they could be together. Of course, she already knew about their history. 

“Whaa, nah. Rose was sick yesterday. She just stopped at her locker, she’s coming soon.” 

Kanaya’s heart skipped a beat when she heard the name “Rose” and instantly concluded that the blonde boy was Dave. 

“Look, there she is—” Dave started, nodding towards the door when the black-haired girl next to him got up and rushed to the entrance of the classroom, through which a blonde girl was coming. The black haired girl tackled the blonde and squealed. 

Rose Lalonde looked exactly like Kanaya had always pictured. Mostly because Rose was so good at describing own appearance. She had bright, violet eyes that were highlighted by her eyeliner and a hint of eye shadow. She wore black lipstick, which Kanaya approved of. Her golden hair reached her shoulders and was kept together by a single purple hairband. Kanaya found that to be somewhat distasteful, seeing as hairbands were sort of…childish? And her taste in clothing definitely wasn’t as great as her taste in makeup, that much was certain. 

And then Kanaya remembered who she was criticizing here. Rose Lalonde, tentativeThalamus, tentacleTherapist. Rose, who was currently being squeezed to death by her friend who, by the powers of deduction, Kanaya recognized as Jade. 

“I missed youuu, Rose! Are you feeling better today?” she said. Rose groaned somewhat. 

“Ugh. Yes, Jade. I am feeling like a large sum of monetary units in comparison to how I felt yesterday.”

“Hehe. Well, you sound like yourself so that’s a good sign,” she giggled, hugging Rose harder. And as Rose mumbled something about being embarrassed, Jade dragged Rose back to what Kanaya assumed was her usual seat. Kanaya continued to stare at Rose long after the spectacle ended. Even after the teacher came in and started the lesson, Kanaya kept stealing glances in her direction. With every glance, she’d wonder the same thing.

What should she do? Should she…tell Rose who she is? 

No! That would be very awkward. Very, very awkward. Rose had confided in her. No, not in Kanaya Maryam. In grimAuxiliatrix. She couldn’t just walk up to the other girl and say, “Hey! It’s me, GA. I know all about your sexual fantasies as well as insecurities. You’ve confided me about those for months now and we’re just now meeting by some turn of fate. ” That wouldn’t do at all. Rose would freak out or get upset or something. 

She’d have to ease into it. Drop some hints, maybe. Somehow get Rose to believe that this all happened by chance and that everything would be fine. They could continue being friends both online and in real life and of course, Kanaya would keep Rose’s kinks to herself. And it would be awkward but she could perhaps…continue reading Rose’s fics? And being her beta? Yes. Everything would be fine. She just needed to ease Rose into it. 

Which is exactly what Kanaya tried to do when she was finally settled into her new home and had set up her internet. Rose started pestering her first. The conversation switched over to “the new girl” just as Kanaya hoped but she quickly found that Rose didn’t like the new student. She didn’t even seem all that much interested to know her better. This was something of a setback. Kanaya tried to tell her to talk to the new girl more, but then something unexpected happened. 

Rose confessed to her. 

All this time, Kanaya hadn’t thought about having a romantic relationship with tentativeThalamus. She was a very private person and tried hard to keep her online life and personal life separate. Rose tried to do this and failed by revealing many of her personal details to Kanaya. But Kanaya herself never shared anything about herself. She’d been meaning to, of course. And now she’d have to. 

She couldn’t deny that she had something like a crush on the online Rose. The girl was an excellent writer and obviously very intelligent. But she had heard of internet relationships failing and she just thought it wasn’t worth the effort or the heartbreak to try and make it work, even though the distance wasn’t even long. And besides, Rose was too good for her. There was no way she’d ever feel the same way. 

Yet here Kanaya was, making tea to calm her nerves after that confession. Rose really liked her! She wanted to pursue a relationship! How was this possible? And again…that love was reserved for grimAuxiliatrix. Rose had made it clear that she had no real feelings towards Kanaya as she presented herself in person. Not that they even talked in real life. Yet. Kanaya would have to work from both sides; online and offline to reveal herself. And then maybe start a relationship with Rose? Was that imminent? It was hard to tell. 

When she finally made her way back to her room, Kanaya realized that she had a new message on her phone. 

Hey Fussyface! Get online for a sec, will ya??????   


_Hm. What could Vriska want?_ Kanaya nevertheless logged in, making sure to appear invisible to Rose for now. She’d have to deal with that later. It took no longer than eight seconds for a message from Vriska to pop up.

\--  arachnidsGrip [AG]  began pestering  grimAuxiliatrix [GA]  \--

AG: There you are :::: )   
GA: And There You Are Vriska With All Eight Of Your Spider Eyes   
GA: So What Did You Want To Talk About   
AG: Uhhhhhh okay so I thought you were kinda being weird for the last couple of days but then I talked to John and he and his friends noticed too.  
AG: What are you doing st8ring at Lalonde all day in English class??????  
GA: Oh   
GA: I Didnt Mean To Stare At Her Im Just Kind Of Curious  
AG: Well don’t 8e! Lalonde is a str8 up snooty, stuck-up, gothy 8itch.   
AG: Who doesn’t give anyone the time of the day.   
GA: I Dont Think Shes Like That At All   
GA: I Think She Just Has A Hard Time Opening Up To People   
GA: I Mean Thats The Impression I Get From Just Looking At Her   
AG: Well yeah! 8ecause you haven’t talked to her and found out what a horri8le person she is.   
GA: I Guess You Are Right In That I Havent Spoken To Her Before But It Sounds Like Youre Blowing Your Opinion Of Her Out Of Proportion  
GA: Let Me Guess  
GA: She Rejected You   
AG: Arrrrrrrrgh! Fuck y8u and y8ur accurate judgment of my character Fussyface!!!!!!!!  
GA: I Mean It Wasnt Hard To Guess   
GA: Last Time You Spoke So Ill Of A Person Was When Tavros Rejected You In Eighth Grade   
GA: And Youve Been Burdening Him With That Grudge of Yours Ever Since I See  
GA: Really You Should Stop Bullying Him Youre Much Too Old For Such Antics Now   
AG: Oh my god Kanaya. I know what you’re trying to do.   
AG: You’re trying to ch8nge the su8ject by fussing and meddling like you always do!!!!!!  
AG: Well, it 8n’t gonna work! 8ecause we’re going to talk about this.   
GA: There Is Nothing To Talk About  
GA: I Will Try Not To Let My Eyes Wander  
AG: That’s not what this is a8out!!!!!!!!   
AG: This is a8out you wanting to get in Lalonde’s pants and me telling you it’s a 8ad idea.   
GA: Is That What Im Trying To Do   
GA: Does Rose Even Wear Pants   
GA: She Seems Like A Skirt Kind Of Girl   
AG: St8p avoiding the real su8ject of the matter with your fashion shit!   
AG: Lemme 8r8k it down for you Fussyface, 8ecause you’re my friend. Just give me like 8 minutes, okay?  
AG: Let’s get one thing out of the way: Lalonde is fucking hot.   
AG: But she’s also a fucking weirdo! She literally has no friends other than her 8rother and John and Jade. She’s made NO friends since like elementary school. None of them.   
AG: And she doesn’t want any friends, either!!!!!!!!  
AG: John calls it 8eing a little picky but I call it 8eing a snooty little 8itch.   
AG: 8ecause lots of people have tried to 8e her friend and she just shoots them down.   
AG: And she’s even snootier a8out who she wants to get together with.   
AG: 8asically, each one of her friends has tried asking her out and she’s rejected every single one.   
GA: Um  
GA: Is That Including Her Brother   
AG: Oh ew yeah!!!!!!!! He tried 8efore they knew they were rel8ted o8viously!   
AG: She shot him down, of course. And then a few years ago, the same thing happened with John. And just a few months ago with Jade.   
AG: So Jade might still have feelings for her, I guess? At least she gets to feel her up all the time   
AG: Lucky 8itch ;;;;)  
AG: 8ut yeah there you have it. It’s hard enough to be her friend and totes impossi8le to get with her.   
GA: Well Thank You For The Warning Vriska   
GA: But Im Still Very Curious About Her And It Cant Hurt To Try   
AG: Yeah, if you’re okay with st8ne c8ld rejection!!!!!!!!  
GA: You Are Being A Little Dramatic   
AG: No, I am 8eing a good friend.  
AG: I don’t want you to get hurt, you know?   
GA: Vriska Thats Really Sweet Of You And Youve Really Grown Up But   
GA: Leave All The Fussing And Meddling To Me   
GA: !   
GA: Ill Be Okay  
AG: Awwwwwwww, you’ve really grown up too, Fussyfangs.   
AG: But okay! I warned you. And I’ll be lurking in the corners to protect you in c8se that 8itch Lalonde uses her satanic powers on you.   
AG: It’ll be just like old times, when I was the gr8 pir8 Marquise Spinneret Mindfang and you were my personal wench ::::D  
GA: Oh God No   
GA: Vriska Why Did You Have To Bring That Up Again   
GA: We Were Just Talking About Growing Up  
AG: Hahahahahahahaha  
AG: Sorry! I know you didn’t enjoy that as much as I did.  
GA: No Its Just  
GA: In The Past Now   
AG: Right. Well, I should get going.   
AG: I haven’t done any homew8rk all day!!!!!!!   
GA: Never Mind You Havent Grown Up At All  
AG: Wahhhhhhhh  
GA: I Was Joking Vriska  
GA: Well Off You Go   
AG: Yep! See you l8ter Fussyface.  
GA: Bye   


\--  arachnidsGrip [AG]  ceased pestering grimAuxiliatrix [GA]  \--

Kanaya couldn’t tell if this new information made her feel less or more uneasy. Rose never told her that her friends had tried asking her out, or anything. She must’ve not thought it was too important; she shared many other important details about herself. Kanaya also had the impression that Jade, Dave, and John were her best friends, not just her only friends. She was even lonelier than Kanaya originally thought, especially because as Vriska said, she tended to push people away. Kanaya felt bad for abandoning Rose, especially when she said it wasn't easy for her to confess. 

So why did she not push Kanaya away? Why did she feel so secure with grimAuxiliatrix?

Kanaya decided she’d find out soon enough, once she eased herself into Rose’s life outside the internet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp. I got this done fairly quickly!  
> I'm not sure how long this fic will last, but we'll see.  
> I'll try not to take longer than a week to update it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the kudos, guys. 
> 
> Enjoy.

Rose spotted Kanaya having trouble with her locker. She seemed to be looking down at a code and then trying to input it, with no avail. Perfect timing. She walked over to the other girl to help her out. 

“Hello, Miss Maryam.” Rose said, half because she wanted to be polite, and half because she couldn’t exactly remember her first name. _Kayaka? Kapaya? Kamaya? It’s a pretty name, just hard to remember._ She then smirked to herself a bit after seeing the girl become ever so startled. She turned around, a nervous smile across her face. 

“Rose? U-um. Hi.” She said, making eye contact for a few seconds before looking down at the ground. At least, that’s what she meant to do. Her eyes instead rested on Rose’s shirt, which bore a small cartoon octopus. The nervous smile remained. “Also, you can call me Kanaya.” Rose took note. She wouldn’t forget it anymore. 

“Ah. Kanaya, then. You already know my name, so there’s no need to introduce myself.” 

“You’re correct.” Kanaya said, continuing to stare at the octopus shirt. She’d have to think of making a design with that on a dress for Rose. Or maybe a sweater. That shirt definitely needed some modification. Meanwhile, Rose was looking past Kanaya to her locker. “Do you require assistance with that?”

“Oh.” She looked up, a bit embarrassed, and handed Rose the card with the code on it. “That would be most helpful.” Rose took it and proceeded to enter the combination. Kanaya watched closely, realizing something.

“I always forget to turn it to the left twice!” She exclaimed, and then proceeded to partake in the bad habit of rambling. “Karkat told me but I already forgot. He would probably yell at me right about now if he saw that I did exactly what he said not to. Or more like, he would talk really loudly and angrily, which sounds like yelling to most people—”

“Kanaya? It’s open.” 

“Oh, dear. I was chattering away. You’ll have to forgive me, I tend to do that—”

“It’s all right,” Rose said, and she had meant it. She had gotten quite used to rambling, finding it endearing, even. Just one of the characteristics of her friend GA that she loved so much. She allowed herself to give the other girl the slightest smile. Kanaya could also swear that there was a twinkle in Rose’s eye. She really needed to break that habit, even if it did amuse Rose. Kanaya took out a few books from her locker and turned back to the other girl. 

“Shall we head to class?” Rose said, nodding towards the direction of their classroom. 

“Yes, we wouldn’t want to be late,” Kanaya replied. The two began to walk. 

“Where did you move here from?” 

“Pittsburgh. It’s very different here, but I enjoy seeing so many trees and green.”

“ Any other reason you moved here, other than to appreciate nature?” 

“Hm. Not really. My mother wanted to be closer to family. That and she sometimes has business in Canada.” Rose nodded. A few moments of silence passed. 

“I like your beret,” Rose said, trying to invoke some of Kanaya’s interests. “It goes very well with the rest of your outfit.” 

“Thank you. Actually, the beret is the only part of my outfit that I did not make myself.” All right, Rose was impressed. A fifteen-year old girl sewed that herself? Fashion’s pretty useless, but Kanaya has some real talent. 

“That’s pretty amazing. You seem very passionate about clothes and fashion.” 

“Yes, I am. My mother works in the fashion industry, so I grew up with it and I guess I see it in my future too.” Kanaya said, pausing for a second. She mentally kicked herself for bringing up her mother. Moms are a sore subject for Rose. 

“I see,” Is all Rose said, eyes narrowing. 

“And what about you, Rose?” Kanaya said after a few moments of silence. “Do you have a passion for anything?” 

“Literature.” It seemed that she was losing interest. Fast. 

“Oh! What kind?” 

“We’re here.” Rose said, entering the classroom. “We’ll talk later,” she said, with a small wave and walked over to John and Dave. Kanaya was about to enter too, before she got pulled back out and away from the entrance. 

“Hi, Kanaya! I’m Jade,” said the owner of the arms that had pulled her. “I’m Rose’s friend.” 

“Hello Jade,” Kanaya said after recovering from her initial shock, “Nice to meet you.” 

“Nice to meet you too! I just saw you talking to Rose and—”

“Oh! Would you like to warn me about her, too?”

“Warn…?” Jade tilted her head in confusion. “Oh! You must’ve talked to Vriska about her. Or Karkat?” 

“The former.” 

“Hehe. Well, she doesn’t take being rejected too well. She’ll get over it!” Jade said, giggling a little. “Anyway, no, I’m not going to warn you about her. The opposite, really. I think you and Rose would be really good friends! Or more than friends, even.” Jade was obviously one to speak her mind. Kanaya felt her face grow a little warmer. 

“ I-I see. I was told Rose was reluctant to form new friendships. Or any other relationships.” 

“Yeahh that’s true. But I think you’re an exception. If you’re willing to give her the chance, that is.” 

“Of course, I am!” Kanaya said in a voice louder than she meant to. 

“Good!” She exclaimed with a bright smile. “Hmm. This is great! You should talk to Dave, too. He’s always worried about Rose’s well-being. He’ll cover it up with his cool-guy swag, but he’ll be really happy to know that his sister’s getting close to someone other than us!” 

“A-all right. I don’t know if I’m making any progress though…” 

“You just have to believe in yourself! And—” The bell decided to ring at that moment. Jade let out a small yelp and rushed into the classroom, Kanaya right behind her. She gave her a toothy grin and a wave before taking her seat. Kanaya smiled back and proceeded to sit next to Vriska. 

Jade gave a quick toothy grin to Rose too, who automatically knew what Jade wanted to know. 

“Ahhh. You’re going to have to tell me what you thought of her!” Jade said excitedly, though not loud enough for the other side of the room to hear. Dave and John both turned to Rose. 

“Didja talk to her?” said one of them and “Are you hookin’ up?” questioned the other. It wasn’t hard to tell who said what. 

“There’s not much to say but we can speak during lunchtime.” 

“Waaaait, Jade.” John groaned, “Don’t we have that stupid dentist appointment at 11 today?” 

“Ohhh right. We’re leaving early. But you’re not off the hook. I’m gonna pester you about this!” 

“Literally.” Dave added while the chatter in the classroom died down and the teacher took attendance. 

Rose’s eyes wandered just once to Kanaya, who was actually paying attention. She smiled a bit when the other girl started to lightly chew the back of her pencil. Truly, she is elegance embodied. As soon as Rose realized the threshold of time it takes for “glancing” to become “staring” was being crossed, she turned back around and started paying attention. She didn’t really need to worry about English class, though.

At lunch, Rose and Dave sat at their normal small, rounded table. It was a good size for four people, but seemed a little superfluous for just two. In the distance, Rose saw Terezi heading in their direction. She was dragging Karkat along with her. 

“My favorite coolkids!” Terezi exclaimed, sitting down in the empty seat across the twins. “Sit down, Karkles!” Karkat huffed and sat down next to her. 

“Yo, TZ. I’m cool with you sitting with us an’ all but why’d ya have to bring Grumpy over there?” Karkat glared at him. 

“Actually, Karkat wanted to talk to Rose about something and I decided to come along cause I need my daily dose of Strider.” 

“Oh my. Whatever could you want?” 

“Don’t play dumb, Lalonde,” Karkat barked back, eyeing her. “What’re you trying to do to my cousin?”

“Whoa whoa wait. Maryam’s the one who’s been ogling my sister ever since she got here so talk to her about it, bro.” They glared at each other more. At least, Karkat assumed Dave was glaring. Rose held up a hand. 

“I know you’re both knights in shining armor, trying to protect your family honor, but Kanaya and I are two independent women who can sort this out amongst ourselves. You two can rest easy.” Karkat grit his teeth and shot her a look. 

“Look, Lalonde. You’ve got the rep of being the most cold-hearted bitch at all of North Skaia High. So just…spare my cousin.” His eyes darted to where Kanaya and the rest of his friends were sitting. “Please,” He added. 

“She means a lot to you.” Rose said, matter-of-factually. Karkat pounded his fist on the table. 

“Yeah, she does.” He got up and narrowed his eyes. “So don’t fuck this up.” He began to walk away, turning around and calling, “Coming, Terezi?” 

“No thanks, actually! I’m gonna hang out with Dave a little longer.” Karkat shrugged, shoved his hands in his pockets and walked away, grumbling. 

“Don’t mind him,” Terezi said to Rose. She then turned to Dave and they chatted away. Rose involved herself in the conversation very minimally, but Dave and Terezi got her to giggle a few times. Rose concluded that it was nice to have company while Jade and John weren’t there. And she always thought Terezi was sort of okay. 

After getting back home, Rose immediately logged into Pesterchum and simultaneously started her homework. Jade would be pestering her any moment. She worked until dinnertime and found that she had time to spare. She worked on her knitting, checking back to see if Jade pestered her. She wasn’t sure why she was so anxious to talk about Kanaya. Their conversation wasn’t even long. 

She also checked to see if GA may have left her a message. No. Of course she hasn’t. She hadn’t even logged on since then. That, or she set herself as invisible to Rose. That was certainly a possibility. She began to work on her chapter, which was very close to being done. She’d have to contact GA soon, anyway. Rose began to type away for a few moments before she heard the chime for a new messages.

\-- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering  tentacleTherapist [TT] \--

GG: hi rose!!!  
TT: Hello Jade.   
TT: I’m truly surprised you could contain yourself for this long before pestering me.   
GG: oh yeah dad wanted me and john to help him with groceries  
GG: and after that he made sure we did our homework first  
TT: I see.   
GG: okay so spill!  
GG: I wanna know what you think!!   
TT: Of Kanaya?  
TT: She’s not my type.   
GG: lol   
GG: ok rose I’ve been seeing a pattern with your rejections   
GG: when you don’t like someone, you always list out their good qualities and then let them down gently  
GG: well, as gently as you’re capable I guess   
GG: but since you’re straight up rejecting her, I think it means you really like her!!!  
GG: since you always do the opposite of what you say  
TT: …  
TT: Jade?   
GG: yes?   
TT: It sounds like you’ve got me all figured out.   
GG: really???? :D  
TT: No.   
GG: rose :((  
GG: I don’t believe you!!   
GG: remember when jaspers died  
GG: and you said you didn’t really care about him all that much???   
GG: but really you were depressed about it for weeks?  
GG: you couldn’t admit you loved him and his death really tore you apart because you bottled up all of those emotions  
GG: im not going to let you do the same thing again!!!  
TT: Comparing Kanaya to my deceased cat isn’t very convincing.   
TT: What I don’t understand is why getting us together is so important to you.   
TT: Especially considering…  
TT: Well, you know.   
GG: because, silly  
GG: i want you to be happy!!!!!   
GG: and if its not with me or john or vriska or eridan or whoever else asked you out before   
GG: then it must be with kanaya!   
GG: i have a really good feeling about her <3   
TT: Have you considered the possibility that I am, indeed, happy?   
GG: then i want you to be even happier!!   
GG: so happy you’ll burst!!!   
TT: It sounds like you’re engineering a scheme for my demise.   
GG: hehe maaaybe that’s my real plan! Mwahahaha  
TT: Jade, you’re the sweetest girl I know.   
TT: But I don’t think a single person can make me happy.   
TT: And even if there was such a person, it wouldn’t be Kanaya Maryam.   
GG: okay im going to put aside my theory of reverse psychology and ask instead:   
GG: what do you have against her????   
TT: For starters, her obvious zeal for fashion is a little superficial and self-absorbed.   
TT: I don’t even know why she’s interested in me.   
TT: She was eyeing my squiddle shirt with the same kind of disgust as the hosts of What Not To Wear.   
GG: i don’t think she meant to!!!   
GG: and I also don’t think liking fashion is shallow or anything!! It’s just what shes into   
TT: And so, as you can see, our interests don’t match.   
GG: she sews, you knit!! There’s some overlap there.   
TT: Not really.   
TT: They’re on the opposite sides of clothing-making.   
TT: Besides, it seems that she inherited her love for fashion from her mother.   
TT: There’s nothing as insipid as people who follow their parents’ footsteps.   
GG: what about you!!!   
GG: you and your mom both like wizards!  
GG: and don’t start that dumb thing where you say she does stuff as a passive-aggressive gesture because we all know that’s not true!!   
GG: dave said so and hes part of your family now so he knows it   
GG: everybody knows it!!!  
GG: so yeah that’s a dumb excuse.   
GG: okay what else don’t you like about her?  
TT: She hardly makes eye contact with me, stutters a bit, and her hands can’t seem to stay still.   
GG: that’s only cuz you’re scary!!   
GG: next!   
TT: …  
TT: I’m scary?   
GG: or i mean intimidating   
GG: to her anyway! and to lotsa people!!  
GG: not to me because I know you’re really a big sweetheart <33  
TT: If I’m so frightening, I don’t know why she’s after me.   
TT: She could have at least stopped beating around the bush and asked me out.   
TT: All the others at least had the decency to get to the point.   
GG: maybe she doesn’t wanna rush?? Duh??   
GG: she’s new to this school, she probably just wants to start out as friends.   
TT: She already has plenty of friends, both from Vriska and Karkat’s groups.   
TT: She doesn’t need me.   
GG: see look how sad you are just thinking about if she doesn’t need you!  
GG: and i basically know for a FACT that she wants you as a friend and maybe as something more!   
TT: All right.   
TT: I’m giving in.   
TT: Only because you’re so exhausting and persistent.  
TT: I’ll try harder to become friends with her.   
GG: yay!!!!!!!!!!!   
GG: oh my gosh rose :O   
GG: im so happy!!!!!  
GG: just that promise shows that youre making more progress and yayyyyy  
TT: I hope I won’t regret this.   
GG: you wont!!!!!! Ahhhh  
TT: Right.   
TT: Anyway, I meant it when I said you’re exhausting. Literally.  
TT: And so I think I’m going to bed.   
GG: awww good night rose!!!   
TT: Good night, Jade.   
GG: <3   


\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG] \--

Rose logged off pesterchum and dressed in her pajamas. She went to the bathroom to brush her teeth and when she returned to her room, she found her brother seductively lying on her bed. He was wearing a plain tee and boxers. His shades were missing of course, seeing that he was ready for bed, too. 

“Out.” 

“Aw, come on sis.” He grinned and sat up. “So. Are you gonna keep up that tsundere act or what?” 

“I’m sorry—I’m unfamiliar with that term. But it sounds like appropriation of the Japanese language from weaboos who watch too much anime.”

“Jesus Rose, you don’t gotta be weaboo to know what a tsundere is.” 

“Right. Regardless, please enlighten me.” 

“It’s like those chicks that act like they hate the dude they actually like. Or the lady, in your case.” 

“Sounds like you’ve been talking to Jade.” Dave shrugged at that. “But you’re wrong. I don’t hate Kanaya at all. My feelings toward her could be described more as ‘lukewarm.’” 

“So she’s like warm tap water that you left on the counter for a few days.” 

“In a sense.” 

“Harsh.” Dave said, shaking his head. 

“I wouldn’t mind getting to know her, though.” 

“Better than nothin, I guess.” He scooted off her bed. “Night, Rose.” And he left for his room. 

“Good night, Dave.”  


\---

The next morning, she found that someone had been pestering her while she was sleeping. 

GA: Hello Rose   
GA: I Know Youre Not On Right Now   
GA: And Ill Admit Ive Been Somewhat Avoiding You   
GA: But I Just Wanted To Say That In Regards To What You Said In Our Last Conversation  
GA: I Should Let You Know That Im Very Torn On What To Say And Even On What To Feel   
GA: I Am Having Troubles In That Department In My Personal Life Also   
GA: And Im Sorry Rose   
GA: I Really Like You Too   
GA: And I Dont Know If It’s In The Same Way That You Like Me   
GA: But For Now Lets Just Continue To Be How We Were   
GA: Please  
GA: ?  
GA: You Can Send Me Your New Chapter Whenever Its Ready   
GA: And We Can Continue Chatting Like We Used To   
GA: Take Care Rose   


Rose bitterly laughed to herself a bit. She saw this coming. She must have deserved rejection, for having pushed away so many people in the last few years. But she also surprisingly felt calmer than she thought she would. Probably because it sounded more like GA’s typical rambling rather than a full rejection. And there was a sort of a “maybe” hint. Who knows? The message was a little cryptic. 

She pushed GA out of her mind and got ready for school.


	4. Chapter 4

Kanaya woke up at 5am, an hour too early. She stayed in bed for fifteen minutes before deciding that she would be unable to go back to sleep and wake up at the proper 6am. She turned on her laptop and logged onto her fashion blog. After scrolling through various permutations of uses for plaid, she became bored and logged off. She switched to her fandom blog, which consisted mostly of CoTL and a little bit of Wizardy Herbert. She immediately regretted it, however, because the various fanarts of Calmasis/Zazzerpan reminded her of the reason she woke up too early in the first place: her anxiety about her situation with Rose. Her plan wasn’t going well at all. 

And then there was the fact that she hadn’t responded to the other girl for a few days, which was just a little worrisome, since she hadn’t left Rose on a good note last time. She figured she’d have to tell Rose something, at least. She would just tell her that she was also having problems in the romance field in real life, too, and so she had a hard time dealing with Rose’s feelings for her. This wouldn’t technically lying, of course, because she is having issues in that department. With Rose. 

After submitting her messages, Kanaya sighed from relief. However, she still had the real Rose to deal with, in addition to the online Rose. The girl wasn’t very receptive of friendship, as Kanaya had found out first-hand rather than from the accounts of others. There was no delaying it further; Kanaya would have to show Rose that she was a CoTL fan as well. It was the only way she’d listen. And it certainly would speed up the process of revealing herself as GA…eventually. 

Kanaya would never be free from the inevitable anxiety of that revelation. 

She began her morning routine soon after she sent the message. Before leaving for school, she made sure to slip the fourth CoTL book into her bag. She was re-reading the series for the third time, so it wasn’t like she would be bringing it to school for the sole purpose of using it as a sort of mating call for Rose Lalonde.

When she arrived to the classroom, she made sure not to throw a single glance to the blonde’s direction. She proceeded straight to her seat, catching up to the bustling conversation. Terezi was in between the two, grinning with interest back and forth towards whoever was talking in the loud conversation between Vriska and Karkat. 

“I don’t see how we’re supposed to become friends if you recoil from my olive branch like I’m twitching a mummified bovine phallus in your direction.”

Karkat’s mouth twisted in disgust. “That was the worst metaphor I’ve ever heard in my puny existence, you sick fuck. And where the fuck did you get the notion that we’re supposed to be friends, anyway?!”

“Look at all these mutual friends!!” Vriska said, gesturing to the rest of their group, as well as Kanaya. “We’re tearing them apart!!” 

“Nobody gives a rat’s ass about the diplomacy between the two of us. Right, Kanaya??” 

“Erm. Well,” Kanaya said while taking out her notebook as well as CoTL, “It would be very nice if the two of you got along, of course.” 

“SEE? Fussyface wants us to get along. She’d feel sooo much more welcome if her two closest—wait! What is that book?” Vriska took it off of Kanaya’s desk and observed it closely. “Ohhh, it’s that spooky wizard shit Lalonde likes.” At the sound of her name, Rose turned ever so slightly in their direction. Out of the corner of her eye, Kanaya could see exactly when the blonde came into realization of the significance of the book. 

Her usual stoic, deadpan face transformed into a shocked expression within half a second. Kanaya made sure to pay no attention Rose, though. She would be the one playing hard to get this time. Rose was frozen in place for a few seconds before with a jolt, she was on her feet and ready to stride over to Kanaya. But as luck would have it, the bell rang and the teacher called for the students to settle down so he could take attendance. 

Rose awkwardly turned right around and sat back down. She heard John loudly offer his condolences to Rose, who he assumed got up so suddenly because she had to go pee. Dave humbly offered his apple juice bottle to her while Jade snickered to herself. Rose shushed the two boys, red in the face for a completely different reason. Kanaya had to summon all of her strength in order to keep a neutral expression, though she felt her mouth twitch ever so slightly. Being aloof and serious was so much fun. No wonder Rose had made a habit of it. 

This time, it was Rose who glanced in Kanaya’s direction every few minutes while Kanaya continued to keep her eyes on the teacher and ignore the other girl. Every so often, however, she’d look at Rose out of the corner of her eye. She could see that the girl was either nervously tapping her foot or silently drumming her desk with her fingers. Rose Lalonde was fidgeting, and it was an amusing site to see. 

Finally, when the bell rang for the next class, Rose gathered up her belongings and sped towards Kanaya’s direction. Her friends were somewhat shocked at her sudden behavior, but seemed to shrug it off as they began to leave. Karkat glared at her and rolled his eyes. He figured she wanted to have her own personal book club meeting with Kanaya as an excuse to talk to her. He had always known Lalonde liked those books, and his cousin liked those books, but never really made the connection. He figured he should leave them alone and gave Kanaya a small wave before leaving along with Vriska and Terezi, who were arguing bitterly about something. 

“Hello, Kanaya,” Rose said in one of her more conciliatory voices. 

Kanaya looked up at the other girl and gave her a small smile, pretending to be surprised to see her there. “Oh! Rose. Hello.” Kanaya tried hard to concentrate on Rose’s perfectly made up face rather than her gaudy orange hoodie. Again, the sun symbol in the middle of it was aesthetically pleasing, but the color. She’d have to do something about this if they were to become friends. 

“I couldn’t help but to see that you are carrying Complacency of The Learned: The Revelation.” She couldn’t contain her smile. “It’s actually my favorite of the series.” 

Kanaya returned the smile with an even bigger one. “I see! So you’re an Apprentice, too?” 

“Yes! Although I don’t usually use that word to identify myself as a fan of CoTL.” Of course, Kanaya knew this. She would have to diverge from her opinions that she expressed to Rose online so that the other girl wouldn’t suspect anything…yet. As she finished packing her things into her bag, Kanaya got up from her seat. 

“Yes, it’s kind of a silly term. Let’s walk while we talk, shall we?” Rose complied as the two began walking through the hallway. 

“Is this your first time reading The Revelation?” Kanaya let out a small laugh and shook her head. 

“Oh, no, no, no! This is just about my third time reading it. I’m just re-reading the series.” 

“I see,” Rose said, her eyes much more animated than usual. Kanaya could see that she was gaining her approval. “What did you think when it first came out?” 

“Ohhh no," Kanaya shivered, "Don’t even talk to me about _that_ trauma.” 

Rose laughed softly at that too. “Okay, I won’t. I can’t say I wasn’t expecting it, though. There were hints scattered throughout the first three books that suggested Calmasis was behind all of the murders.” Kanaya scoffed loudly at her.

“In hindsight, maybe! I, for one, did not expect it. And Calmasis was—oh dear. Rose? I don’t think you have class this way, do you?” It was only then that Rose realized she’d been heading in the direction opposite to where she needed to go but she just couldn’t resist. She’d finally found another CoTL fan! 

She sighed loudly, “I’m afraid you’re right. We must talk more, though. Do you have a study hall?” 

“Yes, sixth period.” 

“Excellent. Same as mine. I’ll come with you after lunch to help you get a permanent pass to the library,” Rose said, backing away from Kanaya to start heading to her own classroom. “We’ll meet there! We have much to discuss.” Kanaya watched as Rose basically skipped away. She grinned to herself and went to her next class. 

\---

Lunch was fifth period for all sophomores, as Kanaya found out, and so she wondered why Rose wouldn’t talk to her then. She figured it was because of the noise and besides, she was always eating with her friends at the time. It might be just a little awkward if she were to join Rose and her friends or vice versa. 

As she sat down at her usual table, she saw that across from her, Vriska was chatting away with John Egbert. She said something that made him burst with so much laughter that he was wiping away at his eyes by the time he was done. 

“Okay I better get going,” he said, giving her a small wave. On his way back to his table, John clapped Karkat’s shoulder and gave him a small wave. To her surprise, Karkat actually smiled and nodded at John.

Kanaya looked behind her to the table that The Kids usually sat at. Rose was leaning on one elbow, chatting with Jade. When she spotted Kanaya looking at her, she instantly beamed and waved. Kanaya smiled to herself when she turned back around. 

“Oh god. You and that witch are in cahoots now. I forgot all about your wizard shit and her wizard shit and how it was the same wizard shit.” Karkat complained, crossing his arms. 

“Cahoooooooots, I say!” Vriska whooped. “Look on the bright side, Kanaya got Rose to smile without shattering any windows. That’s something.” 

“Hehe, so are you and Rose going to be best friends now?” Terezi cackled. “Can we all be friends with The Kids now without worrying about any curses?”

“Umm maybe the curse was that we couldn’t talk to The Kids in the first place,” Tavros offered, “And Kanaya is kinda like the fairy godmother that’ll break that curse!” He looked to her hopefully while Vriska rolled her eyes.

Kanaya chuckled softly at that. “I don’t think it’s like that all. I think Rose has just never had the opportunity to connect with others.” Tavros nodded feverishly at that, having known the troubles of low confidence and self-esteem. 

When the lunch period was over, Rose split off from her friends and met up with Kanaya so that they could leave together. They continued their conversation from where they left off. Kanaya admitted that she found Calmasis to be quite charming and mysterious and was very disappointed that he was the killer. As she expected, Rose confessed that she identified with Calmasis, even if he did become a Darkened rather than a Learned. 

After obtaining the pass, they walked together to the library. Rose opened the door and held it for Kanaya. As she passed through it, their hands brushed and Kanaya shivered. This was the first time she actually went inside the library. It was much bigger than the one in her old school, and had a much more impressive collection. She made a note to stop by here later, maybe before or after school. She would need to explore it in full detail. 

Rose led her away from the books and past the computers, to several small study rooms. They walked into one and Rose closed the door behind her. The room was small but not cramped. There was a small table in the middle with four chairs. In the back of the room, there was a window that allowed a few glorious rays of sunshine into the room. The window sill was adorned with several potted flowers. It was quiet and peaceful and Kanaya was immediately taken by the room. 

“You like this place,” Rose observed. “I usually come here every sixth period alone, but I figured this was the best place we could talk.” 

"Yes. It’s a very beautiful room.” Kanaya agreed. “Do you come here to study?” 

“Sometimes. But it’s also a great place to read. Or write.” 

“Yes, you mentioned your interest in literature. What kind of genre are you interested in writing?” Kanaya hoped she wasn’t treading on dangerous grounds here. 

“I think I’m mostly interested in Young Adult fiction, although I’m not sure if that’s what I want to do. I enjoy writing that sort of thing so far,” Rose said and then, almost as is she knew what Kanaya was going to say, she added, “But not enough to share my work with anyone.” Kanaya didn’t expect her to, of course. Baby steps. 

“I see. But I’m sure anything you write is a pleasure to read.” Kanaya said archly. Rose raised her eyebrows and grinned. 

“Flattery will get you nowhere, Ms. Maryam.” 

“Neither will your fashion sense,” Kanaya blurted out before she could stop herself. Rose’s mouth fell a little open before she scoffed. She hadn’t heard snark like that in a while, and so she embraced it fully and returned it. 

“Oh my. All this time, I believed you were gawking at me in English class because of my sheer beauty.” Kanaya blushed at that. That wasn’t enough for Rose, however, so she continued, “But no. Like bystanders passing by a car crash, you just couldn’t tear your eyes away from the fashion disaster that is Rose Lalonde.” 

“Well, Ms. Lalonde,” Kanaya said, recovering from the verbal blow, “You are correct in saying that you are a fashion disaster. However, you are in luck, because I enjoy lending my charity to the aesthetically handicapped.” She smirked, internally hoping that Rose was not too offended. The blonde actually looked quite pleased, however. “I have even sketched some outfits for you.” She took out a sketchbook from her bag and opened it up to a page for Rose. She handed it to the other girl. 

Rose had been expecting some flowery dresses that did not reflect her tastes at all. Instead, what she found were two or three dress designs that had incorporated the Squiddle logo somehow. She understood why Kanaya had been staring at her clothes; so that she could make clothing that would fit Rose’s interests. She let out a small “Oh…” as she looked through them. 

“You’re very talented.” Rose said meekly. She wasn’t used to giving others compliments, Kanaya figured. 

But she couldn’t let this opportunity slide. “What was it that you said about flattery earlier?” Rose grinned back at Kanaya before slapping a palm to her own face. 

The two continued talking in this manner, occasionally snarking and scorning in between too-pleasant conversations. However, they hadn’t talked too much about the topic they based this meeting upon. The period went by in a heartbeat, and with five minutes left, both girls were reluctant to leave. 

“We should exchange Chumhandles.” Rose casually suggested. 

Kanaya froze. Oh no. Why didn’t she make an alternative account? She hadn’t expected to get this far with Rose so quickly. She quickly came up with an excuse. “Oh. It’s a little embarrassing but…my mother has always been paranoid of instant messaging so she never allowed me to make a Pesterchum account.” Rose raised an eyebrow, expressing disappointment towards a girl who lets her _mother_ of all people make decisions for her. Kanaya interpreted this quickly, and added, “Well, that was when I was younger. These days, I just figured it would only distract me from my studies and so I never got around to making one.” 

Rose seemed much more willing to accept that one, because she nodded. “I see. Can I at least get your number?” Kanaya could handle that, though she’d still have to change her quirk to hide from suspicion. They exchanged numbers and parted ways soon after. 

After school was over, Rose texted Kanaya first.

Greetings. 

Hi Rose. punctual as always i see!

Maybe I should have waited a few hours to text you. I do not want to seem too desperate and eager, of course. I have a reputation for my stoic demeanor. 

Haha very funny Rose.i guess this is how you relate to calmasis; youre both sarcastic to the point that no one knows what it is youre being sarcastic about. 

Do elaborate. 

Well, when Calmasis found out that Aylith was in love with him/her, s/he responded by sarcastically swooning. but I think s/he was only using sarcasm to cover up that s/he was actually swooned. its like double sarcasm. 

You’re treading on dangerous grounds here; suggesting the existence of sincere sarcasm. Where else did Calmasis express this sort of behavior? I have not re-read the series in a while, though you’re inspiring me to do so. 

They went on like this for a while. Rose found herself smiling at her tiny cellphone screen. She found Kanaya’s manner of typing a little strange and erratic, however. She didn’t know what she had been expecting. Maybe something more like the way GA typed? Kanaya’s real voice was something like that. She pronounced all of her words carefully, to the point where she sounded almost British. Rose had taken a liking to her voice. She had taken a liking to Kanaya. 

Rose stopped herself mid-text after coming to this realization. What a stupid notion. She had only known her for a few days. The only thing that connected them was CoTL. Nothing more. Kanaya was a decent fan, and a good intellectual rival. But something didn’t seem right. Kanaya had been trying to become friends with her all this time. Her friends noticed it, she noticed it, and even Karkat had noticed it. And Kanaya had finally succeeded in getting Rose’s attention by using her weakness; CoTL. Was Kanaya sincere? She sure seemed sincere. But Rose wasn’t going to let her guard down. 

Soon after she texted Kanaya back, she heard the ping from Pesterchum on her computer and saw that a friend was pestering her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was going to be longer, but I split up the chapters. So the next chapter should be out fairly quickly.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops, this took a little too long.  
> Pre-finals week and finals week. You guys know the drill.

\--ectoBiologist [EB]  began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]  \-- 

EB: hi rose!   
TT: No.   
EB: wow that was such a good burn   
EB: you have really burned me rose   
TT: Hi John.   
EB: :::D   
TT: I cannot believe you’re copying her typing style.   
TT: I am refusing to accept this reality right now.   
EB: accept it!!!!!!!!  
TT: Are you going to replace your letters with that atrocious number, too?   
EB: nah! wouldn’t wanna take away all of her unique quirk and stuff.   
TT: I see you’re getting along with that group.   
TT: What did we used to call them, again?   
EB: “the trolls”!   
EB: because they were always being jerks and pulling shitty pranks on us   
EB: shitty because they couldn’t top THE PRANKING MASTER  
EB: (which is me)   
EB: but I guess that was mostly terezi and vriska when she first moved here and maybe sometimes karkat too  
EB: and tavros kinda tried but that was it?   
TT: Thank you for that clarification, John.   
TT: I wonder.   
TT: If Kanaya is part of that group now, do you think she’s a troll?   
TT: Or I mean, do you believe she is trolling me?   
EB: what, do you think she’s PRETENDING to like those creepy wizard books??  
EB: JUST so she can troll you??  
EB: didn’t she know a lot about them?   
TT: She could have just researched them online.  
TT: She did want to get closer to me.   
TT: Maybe she figured this was the only way she could.   
EB: okay rose youre the smartest person I know but that’s the stupidest thing ive ever heard  
EB: just a sec im talking to dave and jade and they wanna be in on this   


\-- ectoBiologist [EB]  moved this chat to a memo on board The Kids are back in the house!!!!!-- 

TT: Dave, you’re in the next room.   
TG: so what cant a guy respond to a memo with his other friends too jesus  
TT: No, it’s fine. It’s just that I can hear your keyboard clacking.   
GG: hi guys!   
GG: ohhhh I remember "the trolls" yeah!!   
GG: karkat once put gum in my hair :(   
GG: he was such a jerk! but he’s way nicer now   
TG: are we thinking of the same karkat here the kid still has a stick up his ass   
EB: oh come on dave, karkat’s actually a pretty cool guy now   
TG: maybe to team bucktooth but not to me and rose   
TG: i mean im cool with the trolls and all cause like terezi’s a rad chick   
TG: and tavros is a shitty rapper but i can deal and even the spiderbitch is kinda tolerable when shes not fucking shit up  
EB: terezi is NOT cool!! remember how she tricked me into getting my tongue stuck on the flagpole in fifth grade??   
TG: that was fuckin hilarious and you know it egbert   
GG: yeah actually that was kinda funny hehehe  
EB: well its funny now but I was scarred for life when it happened!!   
TT: Curious.  
TT: It seems that each one of the trolls have been wronging us throughout the years and yet we’re becoming friends with them.   
TG: okay no sis the trolls and everyone stayed away from you though cause they all thought youd put a freaky curse on them or something   
TG: well unless they were hitting on you but after that they stayed away from you   
TG: the perks of being a creepy pseudo-goth child   
TT: That's true.   
GG: hehe well at least they didn’t prank you rose!!   
TT: Until now.   
EB: arrrrgh you cannot be serious about that rose   
GG: what!   
GG: not everything’s just a long elaborate ruse to get your goat rose!!   
TG: wait, are you talking about maryam I think that’s what you were talking about before me and jade joined in   
TG: you seriously think shes playing you   
TT: I didn’t say that, I merely suggested it as a possibility.   
TT: It just seems strange that she, a new student, shares my literary interests when not a single other person in this school does.   
TT: Especially considering the fact that she had been trying to get my attention before.   
TT: Forgive me for finding her intentions to be dubious.   
GG: :/  
TT: I just can’t see how one person can be so beautiful, charming, and sophisticated.   
TT: And still be somewhat maladroit.   
TT: While being partially scornful.   
TT: And have such impeccable taste in literature.   
GG: AWWWWWWWWW :))   
EB: ???!?!?!?!? :D   
TG: hahahaha jesus christ sis cool your lady boner   
TG: a few days ago you were making her out to be some shallow and dumb broad who would never even be bestowed with the lowly duty of slobbering on your feet  
TG: and now youre spazzing all over this memo and covering everything in sight with your fangirl juices  
GG: ewww  
EB: ok im just gonna ignore that imagery  
EB: but uhhh okay rose I’m failing to see the problem here???   
EB: is it just me??   
GG: no, john! I am failing to see the problem here too  
GG: but it sounds like rose is saying kanaya is TOO PERFECT??? :O  
TT: Precisely.   
TG: so you think shes making that shit up to get in your pants  
TG: or your skirt or whatever  
TG: do you even wear pants i should probably snoop in your closet sometime and find out for the sake of science   
TT: You will do no such thing.   
TT: And again, it’s a possibility.   
TT: Although, as we speak, Kanaya and I have been texting back and forth.   
TT: And I am beginning to doubt my own theory.   
TT: No one could elaborately make all of this up.   
TT: She has a better grasp of Calmasis’ character than most of the CoTL wiki pages.   
GG: see we told you!!  
TT: It must be something else.   
GG: or it might be nothing at all!  
EB: yeah really rose don’t look too deep into this like you usually do  
TG: wait wait wait i got it sis   
TG: its mom  
TG: after she figured you were into girls she thought she had to do something   
TG: so she created kanaya with ectobiology and programmed her with all the shit you like and made her all the right amounts of both sexy and dorky   
TG: she made the perfect girlfriend for you rose ahahahaha  
EB: hahaha yeah sounds JUST LIKE the passive aggressive bs she’d pull  
EB: right rose??   
TT: Shut the fuck up.   
TT: Both of you.   
TT: I’m leaving.   
GG: rose!!  
\--tentacleTherapist [TT]  ceased responding to memo. \--  
GG: ugh why are you two such jerks??  
\--gardenGnostic [GG]  ceased responding to memo. \--  
EB: ahhh okay   
EB: yeah that was really mean   
EB: what were we thinking???  
EB: we should really apologize to rose :/   
TG: yeah i fucked that up big time.   
TG: ill go to her now   
EB: good idea. I guess I’ll just talk to her tomorrow...  
EB: I’ll shut this down.   
EB: see you tomorrow, dave   
TG: catch ya later  
\--ectoBiologist [EB]  closed memo. 

Rose had already left for the medicine cabinet in the kitchen downstairs by the time Dave shut his laptop and went to find her. What had he been thinking? He knew his sister didn’t handle that kind of thing well. It would give her anxiety and that would then lead to…

“Did you run out?” Dave asked as soon as he saw his sister in the kitchen, swallowing two pills and taking a drink of water. When she finished, he added, “Mom said to—”

“I know.” She frowned. “I forgot.” 

“You should take a bottle back with you. Just try not to take too—”

“I. Know.” Rose said angrily, pushing past him to make her way back upstairs. 

“Wait! Geez, Rose. I’m…” He took a deep breath. “I’m really sorry.” He could see her crossing her arms, waiting to hear more. “Like, really sorry. That was fucking stupid of me.”

She uncrossed her arms and continued to leave. “Apology accepted, Dave.” He quickly followed behind her and gently grabbed her arm. 

“But that’s not all. You,” He turned her so she’d look at him. “You really gotta stop with this horseshit. All this…paranoia and junk. You’re making stuff up in your head in your head again.” He had told her this countless of times, of course. 

She snatched her arm away from him and glared. “I don’t need your lectures, Dave.” She turned back around to head upstairs. 

“We’re fucking sick of it!” He shouted after her. “ _I'm_ sick of it. John fucking Egbert just lost his patience with you and _he's_ finally sick of it. It's a matter of time before Jade's sick of it.” Rose stopped, her hand resting on the railing of the stairs. “Always mopin’ around and shit like Edgar Allen Poe himself and—and secluding yourself and makin’ us worry all the time.” Her knuckles were turning white. Dave continued, “And jesus fucking christ, god forbid the rest of us talk to some other kids and make a couple of friends without you—”

“Shut up!” Rose shouted, her voice muffled by her hand, trying to stop herself from sobbing. “I—”

“What the hell is going on?” 

The siblings turned to see their mother, who had just come home and came through the entrance near the kitchen. She set her bag down and walked swiftly past Dave to Rose. 

“Rosie?” Roxy said softly. “Are you crying?” She touched her shoulder and turned her around. Rose was staring at the ground, her face blank. Two long tear streaks ran down her face. Roxy wiped them away and pulled her into a hug. Rose twitched in her arms. “Shhh. It’s okay, baby. Everything’s okay now, right?” 

Rose slowly nodded, knowing that confirming that she was okay was the only way she could get out of her mother’s clutches. The woman was going to make a spectacle out of this. She would only do this sometime to appear motherly and caring, of course. “Did you take your medicine, sweetie?" Another nod. "Okay, good.” She gently rubbed her back. “That’s a good girl. Try taking a short nap, okay? I’ll wake you up at dinner time. Off you go.” She let go of Rose, who made her way upstairs. 

Roxy waited until she heard Rose close her bedroom door, and then swiveled around to face Dave. Her face was pulled into a frown. “Explain.” 

And so he did. He told his mother about the new girl, and how she was basically perfect for Rose and how Rose was just being distrusting as always. Roxy nodded as she listened. He tried to avoid the part talking about how Rose’s trust issues come from Roxy, but he figured his mother already knew that. He didn’t fail to confess what he had actually said to her that had set her off in the first place, though. 

“You said that?” She said, incredulously but not as angrily as he’d expected. 

“Yeah…it was dumb, I know.” 

“You bet your ass, it was.” She eyed him with a hint of amusement. “Quit crappin’ your pants. I won’t tell Dirk this time.” She smirked. “I’m sure you remember what happened last time you made your sister cry.” Dave visibly cringed at that memory and sighed with relief in knowing he wouldn’t have to re-live it. “But,” she continued, “Do something for me, will ya? Watch out for Rosie.” 

Dave looked down and mumbled, “I always do, mom.” Roxy flicked him across the forehead. 

“That involves not making her cry, smartass! Also, don’t go playing matchmaker or nothin’ but…try pushing Rose to get to know this girl better. Arrange a movie night or something here with all your friends and invite her too.” Dave looked pensive for a moment and she added, “In a week or two, or whatever, I mean. No rush.” 

“Gotcha.” 

Meanwhile, Rose lay in bed, checking her messages, distracting herself from the embarrassment that just occurred. Dave was an idiot, but she hated to admit that he was right. She was being too distrustful, but she had been that way as long as she could remember. She had always felt a certain uneasiness about others, and she couldn’t pinpoint why. It was frustrating. She looked at the first message from John. 

rose, i am a douchenozzle and a jerkwad. and ill be giving you a proper apology tomorrow morning 

There is no need, John. I understand why you said what you did. Apology accepted. 

ok whew!! but i think I’ll still apologize. 

John was too sweet. Next was Jade. 

roooose i hope youre not too hung up on what our brothers said!! they’re a pair of idiots. I bopped john on the head good for you! 

It’s all right, Jade. Thank you for causing John a small injury on my behalf. Everything is fine now, I promise. 

ok good! :) <3333 see you tomorrow!! 

And then there was Kanaya. 

Okay I DON’T normally like shipping characters with their killers but i think you’ve officially convinced me with CalZazz. Plus it’s a super catchy name :)

Yes, perfect. My influence is spreading. I am glad you see it my way, Kanaya. 

your rhetoric is impeccable. Now i must read some fanfictions to fulfill my daily needs of CalZazz. Any recommendations? 

Rose paused. Should she recommend her own fics? Not to be a braggart, but they were very popular. Kanaya would find them eventually, if she was sincere about her newfound love of CalZazz. There was no harm in making a list of recommendations and throwing a few of her own works in. 

Yes, I have many recommendations. There’s too many to just type on the phone and you don’t use Pesterchum. I’ll write out a list and give it to you. 

Rose proceeded to actually take out a paper and start listing a few of her favorites. She put two of her own in between the others. She thought about adding one more of her slightly more…risqué fics but thought better of it, never mind adding her explicit smut fics. Kanaya wouldn’t be into that, would she? She didn’t seem like the type. She was a little flirtatious, sure, but Rose didn’t get the impression that she’d enjoy reading that sort of thing. She seemed so…pure and chaste. She’d probably hate to know that Rose read erotica, let alone wrote it about her favorite books. Suddenly, she felt very self-conscious about it all. She couldn’t possibly tell Kanaya that she wrote those fics. Her ears burned just from thinking about the other girl finding out. 

thanks!! i’ll be sure to read every single one. 

All of the CalZazz? ALL of it?

Yes I’ll get around to ALL of it when I have less irons in the fire than I usually do ::::) 

Oh, dear. Not you, too. 

You started it Rose 

\---

Over the course of the next few weeks, Rose and Kanaya continuously met in their library room. They would also talk in the mornings sometimes, to the point where they wondered why they sat so far away from each other. They would also eye each other in the cafeteria, but when Dave offered the idea to sit with “the trolls” in the cafeteria sometime, Rose still declined. She would have Kanaya all to herself in the study room, after all. 

There, they talked about various topics, the main one being CoTL, of course. But Kanaya also spoke of her childhood and Rose had to wonder. 

“My brother said something akin to this, and so I will paraphrase it. How did a saint such yourself become friends with a hag like Vriska? Not that I actually consider you a saint, _per se_. And Vriska isn’t as much of a hag as I originally thought. 

“Sounds like something Dave would say, all right,” Kanaya laughed softly. She sketched while she spoke. “I was painfully shy as a child, and so I was prone to getting…not really bullied; just teased, really. And Vriska would lash out against them for it. But she had a bad temper and whenever her anger overcame her, I would be the one to calm her down.”

“I see. A mutually beneficial relationship. Did you miss her when she moved here?” 

“I did. Terribly. But at that point, I was much more confident in myself and was able to take care of myself. And she was a calmer person by then. It was almost like we outgrew each other. That’s what I told myself, anyway, to keep from missing her.” 

“Were you in love with her?” Rose asked casually. Kanaya froze, ceasing to sketch. 

She bit her lip and with some hesitation, finally answered “Yes.” They were quiet for a few seconds before Kanaya added, “If a 12-year old could fall into such amorous inclinations, yes.” She paused. “How did you know?” 

“I didn’t. You just told me.” Rose said with a playful smile.

Kanaya returned the grin and went back to sketching. “You minx.” 

Rose chuckled and then after a few seconds, asked, “How do you feel now?” 

“What, about Vriska?”Kanaya continued sketching, not letting her guard down. “I abandoned those feelings for her a long time ago. However, she’s still my closest friend.” 

Kanaya looked up at Rose just to gauge her reaction. She seemed very satisfied with that answer and…almost relieved? Kanaya thought about asking if Rose ever felt that way about someone, but the other girl quickly moved on from the general topic of love. 

Instead, she recalled how she met her friends too. It was awkward for Kanaya to listen and pretend she didn’t know all of that information already. Along with listening to Rose’s childhood stories, she continued to read and correct mistakes in Rose’s very adult stories, without Rose knowing, of course. This juxtaposition was a little disconcerting. It was strange to talk to Rose carelessly during the day, and then read her work whenever she got home. It was stranger still that Rose had been recommending her own fanfictions to her. She was reminded of how her relationship with Rose was built on lies, and she hated herself for it. 

On the bright side, it seemed that Rose was less infatuated with her internet persona. Their online conversations were now pretty short and usually consisted of talking about fanfiction ideas rather than the expanse of what they used to. Maybe it was a sign that she was becoming infatuated with the real her? Kanaya sure hoped so. 

One afternoon, she received a message from a Chumhandle she didn’t recognize.

\--  gardenGnostic [GG]  began pestering  grimAuxilliatrix [GA] --

GG: hi kanaya!!   
GA: Hello   
GA: Um Who Is This   
GG: oh sorry hehe its jade   
GG: karkat gave me your chumhandle  
GG: you don’t mind, do you??  
GA: Actually I Kind Of Do   
GA: For Reasons I Cannot Explain Right Now   
GG: oh my gosh im so sorry!  
GG: I can leave you alone if you want ;>_>   
GA: You Dont Have To Leave Since You Already Have My Chumhandle   
GA: Did You Have Anything Important To Talk About   
GG: yes! cause dave forgot to tell you and rose doesn’t really know about it yet   
GG: dave and john want to have a movie night and it’ll probably be at the strider-lalonde house this weekend!   
GG: and you should come!!!  
GG: we’re asking karkat and vriska right now too and terezi’s coming of course  
GA: That Sounds Like A Lot Of Fun   
GA: Id Love To Come   
GG: great!!! this is so exciting! :)  
GA: Okay But I Should Warn You That Karkats Taste In Films May Be Conflicting With Daves Or Johns  
GG: I know!! we’ll all figure something out though.   
GG: the two of us together can handle karkat!!   
GA: Yes We Are Capable Of Such A Feat   
GG: hehe okay well you can ask rose for her address cause its weird for me to tell it to you   
GA: Okay I Will Do That   
GG: good!   
GG: and sorry I messaged you when im not supposed to  
GG: for whatever reason!!  
GA: Its All Right  
GA: But Can You Please Keep My Chumhandle To Yourself  
GA: Please Dont Share It With Anyone Else  
GG: eee im not sure I get it, but okay!! if you say sooooo   
GG: i should get going   
GG: hehe bye!!! <33  
GA: Bye Jade   
\--  gardenGnostic [GG]  ceased pestering grimAuxilliatrix [GA] \--

That was too close. Now that Jade had her Chumhandle, it would be easy for Rose’s other friends to get it and somehow tell Rose about it. And that was the last thing she wanted right now. She later asked Vriska and Karkat not to share her Chumhandle with anyone because she liked it to be private. Karkat apologized for it, saying Jade was “very persuasive,” so Kanaya let him off the hook. 

Sure enough, the next day, Rose skeptically gave her address to Kanaya. She had mixed feelings on the matter. On one hand, it was going to be nice to spend some time with Kanaya outside of school. Kanaya was beginning to be a very close friend already. It was refreshing to have someone new to talk to, someone she could trust, if she really tried. Kanaya would now be coming to her house. She wasn’t too sure about having Karkat around with all his yelling, or Vriska with her bitchy attitude, but Terezi was nice enough. She could cope with her friends’ friends. On the other hand, she had to stop and wonder what John and Dave were up to by having this large movie night. She stopped herself from having those thoughts, however. 

After Dave’s venting, she had decided she was going to be more trusting from now on.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little late, but also just a little longer!  
> Also, I hate reading over my own work. So if there's any mistakes, point them out to me at seemeshutdown.tumblr.com.
> 
> Enjoy.

Kanaya always knew Rose Lalonde was well-off. She inferred that much from little hints that Rose had dropped throughout their online and real life conversations. How else would she have a pony named Maplehoof and a whole mausoleum dedicated to her dead cat Jaspers? Still, Kanaya hadn’t expected Rose to live in a mansion. At least, it looked like a mansion. 

At exactly 6pm, she and Karkat decided to go to Rose’s house together because he knew the way and he was able to give Kanaya’s mother the directions. If her mother was anywhere near as shocked as her, she didn’t show it. She just expressed a bit of disapproval at having to drive through the forest for a good five to ten minutes before reaching the house. 

After saying their goodbyes, the cousins hopped out of the car, gathered their belongings, and walked towards the large gate that led to the mansion. Their belongings really just consisted of a duffel bag that contained pajamas, a toothbrush, and another set of clothes. Rose and Dave had contacted all of their guests just that morning to inform them that due to popular demand of their guests, this movie night was going to be a sleepover instead. Kanaya now understood why Rose told her that she didn’t need to bring any extra sleeping bags or sheets or pillows—the Lalonde-Strider mansion had enough rooms for all of her guests to get a separate one to themselves. 

“Yeah yeah, you can quit staring now.” Karkat said, rolling his eyes. “We all know Lalonde is fucking loaded.” 

“S-sorry.” Kanaya mumbled. 

“It’s fine,” Karkat amended, “I guess it’s just that the rest of us were so used to going to Lalonde’s house for her birthday parties. When we were in elementary school, I mean. Her mom would invite everyone in the class over.” 

“And you haven’t been here since?” 

“Pretty much. I’ve been here a few times for group projects with Rose. Only cause I was working with John or Jade at the same time. ” 

“I see.” 

As they reached the gate, Kanaya realized that it was shut tight by some kind of magnetic lock. On the far left end of it, there was a screen, a few buttons and an intercom. Kanaya also assumed that there were speakers and a camera on it. 

Kanaya stood beside Karkat as he pushed a button and a dialing sound came from the speakers. “Hopefully it’s her mom and not…god dammit.” Karkat sighed as the screen turned on and the sound stopped. “Hi, Mr. Strider.”

The man that Dave referred to as “Bro” and Rose referred to as “Dirk” popped up on the screen. Like Dave, he also wore a pair of sunglasses, but his were pointy and Kanaya couldn’t help but wonder how they stayed on his face. He was seated in a dimly-lit room next to a computer. He finished typing something, and then turned to Karkat and Kanaya. 

“Sup Karkat. Haven’t seen you for a while.” 

Karkat shrugged. “Likewise.” 

Dirk glanced at Kanaya and added, “Hi there! You must be Kanaya. You can call me Dirk. Nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too, sir.” She said. 

He chuckled and told her she didn’t have to be so formal. He then spun around in his swivel chair and pressed a few buttons. Something in the gate clicked. “All set. You two are good to go.” 

“Thank you.” Kanaya said politely. 

“No problem.” He gave a small wave and the screen shut off. 

The walk from the gate to the house was longer than one would expect. Kanaya took the time to observe the wizard statues laid out in the front yard. To the left side of the mansion, she could see the mausoleum and towards the back was a small stable. 

Karkat rung the doorbell and was greeted by a tackle-hug from Jade. He immediately began to shout for her to let go, muffled by the immense bear hug. 

John, trailing behind her, chuckling. “Sorry Karkat. I’ll keep a leash on her next time.”

Jade stuck her tongue out at him and let go of Karkat. She beamed at Kanaya. “Hi, Kanaya!” 

Kanaya smiled back pleasantly. “Hello, Jade.” 

“Why don’t you guys come in?” John said, motioning for the cousins to enter. They did so, followed by Jade. 

“Yeah sure, Egbert.” Dave said from a distance in the vast living room. He was fiddling around with some kind of projector. A large screen had already been set up. “You can be the butler in our house and invite whoever you want inside.” Terezi cackled at that. Kanaya was surprised to see her, Rose, and Vriska sitting in proximity to each other on the leather sectional sofa that was in an optimal position to view the screen. They looked like they were in the middle of a conversation before she and Karkat interrupted them. 

“Hush, Dave.” Rose said, getting up from the sofa to greet her new guests. “Hi, Karkat.” She flashed a smile and then turned to Kanaya. “Hello.” Karkat and Kanaya returned the greetings. Kanaya could see that Karkat looked a little skeptical, probably because he hadn’t seen Rose be so friendly before. She was just trying to be a good host, Kanaya assumed. Rose eyed their bags. “Oh. You two may put your belongings into guest rooms of your choosing.”

“Early bird gets the worm.” Dave said unapologetically, “All the rooms on this floor and upstairs are taken.” Karkat made a face that indicated he wanted so say something but was going to hold it back in order to be the bigger man. 

Rose nodded. “Dave’s right. But there are four more rooms downstairs that are just as nice. I’ll take you—”

A sharp sound interrupted her. They all turned to see the door leading to the basement slide open. It was Rose’s mother, or at least Kanaya assumed it was. Her eyes were very similar to Rose’s, though they were a bright pink hue rather than Rose’s dark violet. Her blonde hair was a few shades lighter than her daughter, and it was styled in more curls. She wore a dress that looked like a very fitted, modified version of a lab coat. Kanaya discerned that it was made of several synthetic materials, although it was hard to tell whether or not some of it was made of real silk or not . She walked swiftly and elegantly over to them, her high heels clacking. Kanaya had never seen a woman so well put-together before. 

“Rose, there’s an issue with...” she drifted off, eyes wandering to Kanaya. She gave her a wide smile. “Hello! You must be Kanaya.” She extended a hand. “I’m Roxy Lalonde. I’ve heard a lot about you.” Rose seemed to twitch a little at hearing that. “It’s nice to meet you!” 

“I-it’s nice to meet you, too.” Kanaya stuttered. Mrs. Lalonde was both intimidating and charming at the same time. Suddenly, she felt like she understood Rose’s dilemmas concerning her mother just a little more. 

“You were saying, mother?” Rose said, turning her mother’s attention back to her. 

“Oh yes. Right.” She said, with a regretful expression. “I’m afraid that the heating’s not working in the bedrooms in the basement. The lab’s fine, but the bedrooms are not going to be very hospitable tonight.”

“That’s okay!” John piped up from a distance, walking towards them. “Karkat can stay in my room. It’ll be like a real sleepover!” Karkat seemed to think it over. His only other options were to sleep in a freezing room, or share a room with Dave. Yep. Staying with John seemed like the best choice. 

“Yeah.” He shrugged and gave the other boy a slight smile. “Sounds all right to me.” 

“Great! And Kanaya can stay with…uh…” 

“She’ll be staying with me.” Rose said firmly. She glared defiantly at her mother for a few seconds before turning to Kanaya. “Is that all right?” 

“Erm. Yes, of course.” 

“You sure?” Vriska said loudly, still sitting on the couch but attentive to the conversation. “Kanaya can stay with me if you want.” 

“Thanks for offering, Vriska. But I wouldn’t mind sharing my room with Kanaya.” Her eyes darted back to Kanaya’s. “Let’s go there now.” 

“I’m glad that’s settled,” Roxy said cheerfully, “Rose can show you where to get extra blankets and pillows, if you need them.” She glanced at her wristwatch for a quick second before throwing Kanaya another pleasant smile. “I better get going. I hope to see you more often, Kanaya.” She then gave Rose a quick kiss on the forehead, which instantly brought a pinkish hue to Rose’s cheeks. “If you need anything at all, I’ll be in the lab. You kids have fun!” She swiftly walked back to the basement door and left. 

Karkat then went along with John to his room and Kanaya nervously followed Rose upstairs. As soon as Rose opened the door, she regretted it immediately. Her room was always sort of a mess and she never let anyone other than her normal group of friends see it, of course. 

“I apologize for the mess.” She said, turning to Kanaya, who had set her bag down and was now busy staring at her ball of yarn. 

“You knit?” She walked over and picked it up, along with her knitting needles. “Why did you not tell me?” 

“Oh, um. I’m not very good. It’s really just a silly hobby.” 

Kanaya set her yarn and needles down on her desk and picked up a purple hat that Rose had left lying around. “Well, I disagree! This is beautiful. Do you have any more?” 

Rose blushed lightly. “Yes but, um. My knitting’s not that great. Not like…” _Not like your sewing._ “They’re just the result of a mundane afternoon.” After Kanaya’s persistent insistence, however, she brought a few more scarves and mittens out for Kanaya to see.

“I like them very much.” Kanaya said as she scrutinized the clothing. “Your stitching is beautiful.” 

“Thank you.” Rose said, although she was sure Kanaya was merely saying that to make her feel better. _She must be able to see all of the mistakes; she has an eye for that_. She switched up her tone and smirked instead. “More flattery, I presume?” 

“Just a little,” Kanaya said, eyes twinkling. As much as she enjoyed sewing, she could never get the hang of knitting needles too well. “How long have you been knitting?” 

“John got me knitting needles as a present for my thirteenth birthday. So two years? Although I spent the first year truly believing he was making some sort of passive-aggressive jab at me. And so I passive aggressively took on the hobby at first merely to get back at him.” Kanaya put on a concerned face and Rose mentally kicked herself for just recalling that. _Why did I tell her that? Now she’ll think I’m paranoid too._

“But you realized he was sincere about it?” 

“Yes. Eventually. And I felt—” 

Dave’s voice from the living room interrupted them. “Yo, are you two broads done yet or what? We’re getting this movie thing started.”

“Oh my. He sounds impatient.” Kanaya observed. “We should go.” 

“I agree.” 

As they walked downstairs, it occurred to Kanaya that she should’ve asked Rose where she could get extra blankets so she could sleep on the floor. Unless…Rose had different plans? They hadn't really discussed their sexuality with each other yet. Could they sleep together without feeling too...awkward? The thought heated her face somewhat, and she decided it was best not to ask that question in front of everyone else. She would see how their sleeping arrangements would work once the time came. 

In the living room, they found that the projector was all set, though their friends were still all sprawled all over the room.

“Okay,” Dave announced, “Me and Jade got the projector going.” Before John could add in that Jade basically single-handedly got it going, Dave added, “What exactly are we watching again?” 

“Con-Air!!!!!!!!” Vriska piped up. “At least, me and John want to.” Dave shrugged and everyone murmured a sort of quiet agreement. Kanaya hadn’t seen it before, but since Vriska seemed so excited for it, she looked forward to watching it. Rose saw it once or twice at John’s insistence, but would tune it out half the time. She just couldn’t bear it.

"That movie fucking sucks.” Karkat grumbled. “But,” he glared at Dave, “I’d be cool with it if we watched _Crazy, Stupid, Love_ afterwards.” 

“Aw, hell no. Not one of your god-awful rom-coms, Vantas.” 

“Actually!” Jade interjected, “That one’s actually really good! Or at least it’s better than what you’re expecting, Dave. I think so, anyway.” Dave thought about it and shrugged. It was obvious that he valued her judgment and so he reluctantly agreed, as long as they could try to squeeze in a good Tarantino film or something else with swordplay if there was time. 

After getting bowls of popcorn and cups of soda or juice that had been set out on a table near the kitchen, the eight friends settled down onto the sectional sofa. Kanaya sat in between Rose and Vriska, who was getting hyped up about the movie with John beside her. 

Kanaya wasn’t the biggest fan of sweaty long-haired men in wife beaters, and so she immediately had a hard time watching this movie. She understood why Vriska liked it, and in retrospect, she should have deducted that she herself would not be a fan of it due to the nature of Vriska’s tastes. She exchanged several glances with Rose throughout the film. Rose either looked amused or apologetic. 

At one point during the film, she even leaned towards Kanaya. “I am so sorry you are being subjected to this horrendous film.” 

Kanaya leaned back towards the other girl and smirked. “To be fair, you are too.” 

“I suppose you’re right. Shall we suffer together?” 

“It would be my honor— ”

“Fussyface, Lalonde, you two are missing the best part!!!!!!!!” 

They snapped away from each other and returned to watching the movie. Okay, Kanaya had to admit that this part was sort of sweet. Nic Cage had just reunited with his loving wife and daughter and it was a very touching moment. John and Vriska held each other closely, both looking like they were going to cry. Rose rolled her eyes at the two of them. So this is what their friendship is based on. 

After it was over, they took a break to get more snacks and use the restroom. Meanwhile, Dave was messing around with something that was a cross between a remote control and a cellphone. Kanaya watched him while Rose was busy microwaving more popcorn. 

Kanaya asked him, “Does your family own a copy of both of these movies?” She looked curiously at the screen, which was now displaying a login page on a website called “SkaiaNet Partners”. 

“Wha? Nah. Didn’t you just—? Oh yeah, you were upstairs doing who-knows-what with Rose while I was doing this before.” He gave her a slight grin when she looked embarrassed. Just the reaction he was hoping for. “Anyway, both Mom and Bro—that is, Dirk. The guy who you must’ve seen on the screen on the gate outside. They work for SkaiaNet, which lets us stream basically any movies for free. Just one of the perks for working there, I guess.” He said, shrugging. 

“Oh! That’s…that’s convenient.”

“Yup. That’s why we usually have movie nights and shit here. Or else we’d be stuck with Egbert’s lame ass collection.” 

“I see.” 

After a few more minutes, the eight friends settled back down in almost the same arrangement. 

Kanaya found that this movie was actually much better. Her cousin’s movie choices weren't always so great, but she had to commend him for picking this one. She glanced at Rose several times, just to see her reaction. She seemed to enjoy it, too. She even giggled at the more amusing parts. It was nice to see her that way—more girlish. 

A little more than halfway through the movie, Kanaya felt Rose lean against her, resting her head on her shoulder. Her soft blonde hair, which had the slightest scent of lavender, brushed against Kanaya’s cheek. She shivered a little, feeling a strange sensation in her stomach. Out of the corner of her eye, she still couldn't see Rose’s face and assumed Rose couldn’t see her either, which calmed her nerves a little. Rose had never touched her so closely before, but she was doing it so casually now. Kanaya couldn’t let the other girl see her so flustered over it, so much that she could hardly pay attention to the rest of the movie. Rose was pressing harder and harder against her as time passed. 

When the movie finally ended and the credits started rolling, they all started animatedly chattering about it, all surprised by how good it was. 

“What’d you think, Sis?” Dave asked, elbowing Rose with enough force for her to tumble into Kanaya’s lap, her back bent in a contorted position. It was only then did Kanaya realize she was asleep. Dave made a sucking noise with his teeth and whispered, “Oooops.” He scrambled off the couch and he and Kanaya tried to pull her up into a more comfortable position. 

“Jesus, Dave!” John yelled, “Pick her up or something.” In the distance, Kanaya saw a shadowy figure walk into the kitchen and turn on the light. Meanwhile, Jade was trying to quiet her brother down so as to not wake Rose up. 

“I’m trying,” Dave grunted, scooping her up in his arms only to set her back down to Kanaya’s lap in a better position. She cradled the other girl in her arms, almost like she would an infant. “Hold her for a sec, Maryam.” He called out to the man in the kitchen, “Bro, is that you? Come out here, will ya?” 

Dirk walked out, his hat missing and his hair a little less perfect than usual. “Yeah, what’s up?” 

“Rose passed the fuck out. Can you take her upstairs?” 

A static-filled noise emanated from Dirk’s watch. “She what??! How?” 

“Whoops. Left this thing on,” Dirk mumbled, and then brought his watch closer to his face. “Calm down, Rox. She just fell asleep.” He quirked an eyebrow in Rose's direction. "I uh...think."

“Oh. Oops. Yes, well,” came Roxy’s embarrassed response, “Be a dear and take her upstairs, in any case.”

“Will do.” He said. Before picking her up, he asked “That all right?” 

Kanaya realized he was asking her. “Y-yes, of course.” 

He scooped her up, and Kanaya immediately missed Rose’s warmth in her arms and lap. 

“It’s past midnight,” Bro said before going up the stairs. “The rest of you kids should sleep too.” 

A few of them agreed that they were sleepy too, while a few others complained that it was too early. In the end, they decided that it was indeed time to sleep. Kanaya was ready for bed, too, but wasn’t sure what to do about Rose and her room. 

“Oh,” Jade told Kanaya, “I guess if she slept through all that noise, I don't think you'll wake her up if you go there now for your stuff. You can sleep there.” She gave her a wink. “Or with me if you want.” Kanaya didn't even respond to that innuendo, as she was getting so used to it now. She merely smiled and nodded. 

After discussing the movie some more and then bidding everyone farewell, Kanaya went up ahead to Rose’s room and picked up her bag. She decided not to disturb Rose any more than she already had, and began to leave the room in order to take Jade’s offer. She was just about to close the door behind her when she heard a soft voice.

“Mom?” Rose said, her voice cracking with sleepiness. She pushed herself up on the bed. 

“No Rose, it’s me. Kanaya.” 

“Where are you…” She rubbed her eyes, “Going? You’re staying with me, aren’t you?” 

“Yes, that was the plan. I just didn’t want to disturb you.” 

“You’re not disturbing me,” she said, shaking her head. “You can stay with me. There’s enough room here, see?” She shifted to the right-most side of her bed. She was right; there was enough room on her full-sized bed for another.

“A-all right.” Kanaya stammered. “If that’s okay. I’ll…I’ll go change.”

“Mhmm. I’ll be waiting.” She said, lying back down. 

Kanaya took her bag to the bathroom and changed into her pajamas. As she brushed her teeth, she found herself getting a bit nervous. She hadn’t really shared a bed with someone she was about ten years old, with Vriska probably. And now she would have to do so with _Rose_ . She still wasn’t completely sure about where their relationship was heading. Her insistence that they sleep on the same bed could mean two things—that she found Kanaya to be a close friend and that was all, or that she wanted something more. It was hard to tell what it was at this point. She contemplated taking Jade up on her offer. But Rose was expecting her. She couldn’t just leave. 

When she entered the room, she found Rose curled up on the right side, fast asleep. She took a moment to appreciate Rose’s sleeping form. She looked so peaceful and innocent, rather than smug and subtly hostile as usual. Despite her drumming heartbeat, Kanaya nervously lifted the blanket up a little, careful to still keep a part of it on Rose, and got under it. The bed squeaked a little as Kanaya tried to get comfortable. Rose’s breathing was even and soft. Kanaya couldn’t help but smile to herself over how cute Rose looked right now. She closed her eyes, but all she could think of was how close Rose’s face was to hers, and the thought produced fluttering in her stomach once again. 

The thought both scared her and excited her at the same time; the thought that she may actually be falling for Rose Lalonde.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry! I don't know why this took me so long. I have no excuse. 
> 
> Enjoy!

The first thing Rose thought of when she opened her eyes was that Kanaya Maryam’s eyelashes were really long and beautiful. She contemplated touching them. She almost went through with it, until she was a few centimeters away. She froze when the realization dawned on her. _Kanaya’s in my bed._

She pulled her hand away and blushed. _Why is she in my bed? …Oh. Right._ The last thing she remembered was putting her head on Kanaya’s shoulder and being so comfortable and peaceful that she must have fallen asleep there. But the slight, buzzing headache she had reminded her that her actions last night were controlled by just a bit of foreign substance. At least it gave her the courage to get closer to Kanaya. That was what she was aiming for, after all. _And here she is. In my bed._

But now that the effects wore off, she was feeling a little nauseous. She wasn’t sure whether that feeling came from her semi-hangover, or from the anxiousness of being so close to Kanaya. And she couldn’t understand why she was especially anxious around her. Was it because of her developing feelings? Jade would probably say something like, “You’re afraid of love, Rose.” And then something like, “Don’t be.” 

Rose just couldn’t help it. She was feeling some kind of impending threat, waiting for something to go wrong. And waiting for it made her nervous. The fluttering in her stomach didn’t help too much, either. She wondered if that was how her previous suitors felt, before she rejected them. 

Her headache was getting worse, and her hands were shaking a bit. She thought about getting out of bed, but she was enjoying Kanaya’s sleeping form too much. She looked flawless even in her sleep, not a hair out of place. Her mouth was a little askew, however. She was breathing evenly and soundly. Rose was mesmerized by the sight and lost track of time. She only snapped out of her stupor when Kanaya’s eyes finally fluttered open. 

“Good morning, Rose.” She said, rubbing her eyes, her voice cracking a bit. She gave her a smile. “How was your sleep?” Rose continued to stare at her, almost with a look of shock or fear. “Rose? Are you okay?” 

“Mhmm.” Was all Rose could muster, nodding slightly but still staring at Kanaya’s face. 

“Are you sure? You look a little pale.” Kanaya said, with a concerned look on her face. “You’re not sick, are you?” She pushed herself up so that she was sitting on the bed. 

Rose was still frozen in place, and so for a few split seconds, she ended up staring at Kanaya’s chest, which was covered with a very loosely buttoned-up pajama shirt. She blushed furiously and shook her head. 

“…And now you look a little red. Do you have a fever?” She said, reaching over to place the back of her and on Rose’s forehead. Her face grew warmer and redder from her touch and Kanaya chuckled. “Well, you’re a little warm, but you don’t have a fever!” Rose gave her a shaky smile and swallowed. “Oh!” Kanaya said, retracting her hand and slapping it onto her own face. “I am so sorry! You’re obviously not a morning talker and I’ve been babbling away at you this whole time! You’ll have to forgive me. I’ll shut up now.” 

Rose rapidly shook her head and finally mumbled, “It’s okay.” She lifted the blanket off of herself and sat up. Her hands felt incredibly sweaty and her headache worsened. “I-I’m going to go get ready.” She hoarsely murmured before jumping out of bed and dashing to the bathroom. 

Kanaya curiously watched her scurry off. _Rose is acting very strange. Very strange, indeed. She seemed so…afraid._ Kanaya knew already that Rose had some anxiety issues, but it was strange that she was acting this way now, after being so friendly and affectionate to her last night. _Maybe she was acting that way because she was so somnolent last night. Maybe she woke up and felt…disgusted by me. And she hadn’t really consented to letting me sleep with her._ She blushed and quickly corrected herself. _Sleep beside her, that is._

She cleared her head of those thoughts and took the time to observe Rose’s room instead. It was a little messy, but not nearly as bad as Vriska’s. At least there was no rotting fruit in there. Along the walls, there were several posters hanging. Two of them were related to Complacency of The Learned; one of which looked similar to one of Kanaya’s own. Another poster hung nearby, featuring the several characters of Wizardy Herbert. There was also a poster of the cutesy octopus that she had on her shirt, but its eyes were defaced as well. The poster read “Squiddles” and so she assumed that’s what they were called. Another wall was dedicated primarily to zoologically dubious tentacle creatures, one of them being the Fluthlu from CoTL #2. 

In one corner of the room, there was also a violin case. Kanaya sighed, contemplating just how talented this girl was in everything she did. Her writing was flawless, she was a top student, and she was a great knitter. And now, she discovered that she could play music as well. _She probably excels at the violin, too._ She decided not to ask Rose about it yet, though. She already seemed stressed out over something. She walked over to her extensive bookcase instead. She had all the CoTL books, of course, as well as several official art books for the series. She also had several classics as well as other YA novels. She spotted something that looked more like a notebook placed in one corner of the bookcase. It didn’t really have a title, Rose had just written her name in the front. Kanaya thought about seeing what was inside, but then she heard Rose’s hair dryer go off from the bathroom and decided that she may not want her to see it. She left it alone. While she continued looking through the books, Rose finally finished and entered the room, fully dressed and ready to go. She had even re-applied her black lipstick and eyeliner. 

“I will have to apologize for my behavior this morning.” She said, “You were right—I’m not a morning person at all.” 

“It’s all right, Rose.” Kanaya replied, relieved that the problem was so simple. “And I’ll have to apologize for rambling to you while you were in such a state.” 

“Oh, not at all!” Rose insisted, while picking up some of her scattered knitted goods, “It was kind of…” She drifted off, but Kanaya swore she heard her softly say, “Sweet.” After stuffing the scarves and hats into her closet, she turned to Kanaya. “You should freshen up. Mother will no doubt be embracing her role as a maternal figure and starting breakfast soon. Perhaps you’ll also have the pleasure of seeing Dirk in an apron.” 

“Oh my. I would not miss that for the world,” Kanaya said, chuckling while she gathered her things and went to the bathroom. She showered peacefully, with Rose’s scent surrounding her. It was all silky lavender and lilac, though Kanaya finished quick as to not keep the other girl waiting. When she was finished, the two of them headed downstairs. They heard some stirring in other rooms, but none of their friends had gotten up yet. They were the first to be in the kitchen, where Rose’s mother was prepping for breakfast. 

“Good morning.” She greeted them with a winning smile. After Rose and Kanaya greeted her back, she added, “You two are up bright and early!” 

“I believe the others will join us momentarily.” Rose said, leaning on a table. 

“That’s good news.” Roxy said, “Why don’t you two sit down at the dining table while I get started on breakfast.” 

“Oh no, Ms. Lalonde.” Kanaya said, exchanging a perplexing glance with Rose and then looking back as Roxy, “We can’t possibly let you do that for so many people all by yourself. We’ll help.” Rose hesitatingly nodded. 

Rose and Kanaya started working on beating eggs and chopping vegetables for omelets while Roxy mixed the batter for pancakes. Rose kept silent, while Roxy and Kanaya began chatting away immediately. Roxy did most of the questioning in the conversation, mostly about her hometown and her family. Kanaya had a few questions of her own, about how Roxy manages to both work for such a prestigious company and take care of the household at the same time. They got along swimmingly, and Rose watched the two of them in awe, with her mother occasionally brushing Kanaya’s shoulder and whispering something that would make the two of them laugh. 

Soon after, Dirk came in and upon Roxy’s insistence, put on a mildly embarrassing apron. He went about to begin heating up sausages and frying some bacon. Every now and then, he would interject in Roxy and Kanaya’s conversation. Dave was the first one of the kids to wake up and join them and Jade followed after. Soon, the kitchen was bustling with kids and there was hardly any room for Roxy and Dirk to move around. The commanded the kids to go sit down in the dining room, which they did. 

The different dishes were piled onto different plates so that they could pass them around and eat family-style. John eyed the pancakes suspiciously. 

He pointed at them. “Hey Ms. Lalonde. Those weren’t made from Betty Crocker pancake mix, were they?” 

“Jesus Christ,” Karkat said, his mouth full. “Just eat the fucking pancakes, they’re delicious.” He stopped chewing for a second, realizing the profanity he just spewed as the whole room went silent. He blushed. “I-I mean…” 

“Oh no, Karkat’s right.” Roxy said with a smile that could kill. She turned her attention to John and said as sweetly as can be, “You should just eat the fucking pancakes.”

Kanaya and Rose stared at her, the former in admiration and the latter in embarrassment. Dirk broke the silence by snickering. It must’ve been contagious, because Terezi and Dave burst out laughing. Vriska was leaning down on the table, her face in her arms. Her shoulders were shaking slightly, supposedly from trying to suppress her own laughter. Jade couldn’t hide her grin while she patted John on the back sympathetically as he stared down at his lap in embarrassment. Roxy laughed and reassured him that she was only kidding, and that if it made him feel any better, the pancakes weren’t actually made with Betty Crocker mix. John laughed nervously and piled a few pancakes onto his plate. 

Breakfast lasted quite some time, filled with much chatter and laughter. Kanaya observed that Rose seemed much more like herself now, much calmer. She didn’t even seem as hostile to her mother as usual. 

\--- 

It was around noon or so when Karkat and Kanaya had to leave. One by one, the others left soon after. Roxy retired back to her lab while Dirk took all the dishes back to the kitchen. Dave and Rose helped him for a bit before Dave declared he was “outie” and dashed back to his room. Rose was about to do the same when she heard Dirk telling her to step into the kitchen for a second. She re-entered the kitchen. 

“Yes?” 

“What is this?” Dirk asked, holding up a nearly half-empty vodka bottle. 

Not batting a lash, she began, “Why, it’s a—”

“Don’t give me any of your smartass comments.” He said, setting the bottle down on the counter. “I’ll get straight to the point then. Why’d ya do this, Rose?” 

“…How did you know?” 

Dirk held up a finger. “One; you passed out pretty gracelessly last night. Very much like your mother, might I add.” He received a grade-A glare for that. He held up another finger. “Two; I’ve got a pretty sharp nose. Your breath gave you away.” Rose crossed her arms while he held up another finger. “And three; you pretty much just confirmed it.” 

Rose smirked. “Did John’s grandmother finally get around to teaching you her sleuthing skills?” That got a small grin out of Dirk. 

“Very funny, kid. But I’m still waitin’ for an answer.” 

“I was curious about its taste.” 

“Not good enough.” 

“I was nervous.” She said, looking away. 

“Look at me. About what?” 

“About…making new friends.” She said, looking him straight in the eyes, her face pulled into a frown. His face softened a little, indicating to Rose that he believed her lie of omission. He put his hands on her shoulders. 

“There’s better ways to go about that. For starters, you can take your medication like you’re supposed to. And we did want to get you some professional help—”

“I don’t need that kind of help.” She said firmly, backing out of his reach. “I am the one that provides others with it.” 

“Yeah, yeah, I know.” He thought to himself for a moment. “It doesn’t have to be with a shrink. It could be some other kinda therapy.”

“I don’t need any kind of therapy.” She said, closing her eyes. “I’m sorry for drinking alcohol without permission. And… it won’t happen again.”

“Good. If it does, Roxy’s gonna know. Got it?” He threatened, tweaking her nose. She flailed a bit and wacked his hand away.

“Understood.” she said after regaining her composure. But Rose suspected that there was the possibility he may tell her mother nonetheless. She had thought about telling him the whole truth, but didn’t want that information being relayed to Roxy. She would only make a big deal out of it, and Rose wouldn’t want to deal with that. 

“All right. I’ll leave you alone. For now.” He said, still looking a little concerned. 

She nodded and went back to her room. She thought about telling Jade, or maybe even John, but decided against it. What Dave had told her before kept her back. Maybe he was right; maybe they were sick of her too. 

She decided to talk to her internet friend instead. She blogged for almost half an hour before GA finally logged on.

\--tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering grimAuxilliatrix [GA]--

TT: Hi.   
GA: Hello Rose  
GA: Its Been A While   
GA: How Are You   
TT: Yes, it certainly has.   
TT: And I’m fine, thank you.   
TT: How are you?   
GA: Im Doing Well Too   
TT: That’s good to hear.   
TT: I’m sorry for imposing on you so suddenly, but I just need someone to talk to.   
GA: You Know Im Here For You Rose   
GA: Youre Not In Any Trouble Are You  
TT: Oh, no. Not exactly.   
TT: I’m afraid I am going to ramble at you.   
GA: Its Okay Im Listening   
TT: There’s this girl.   
TT: The one I told you about, the one new to my school.   
TT: I’ve actually become quite close with her.   
GA: Oh My  
GA: I Thought You Didnt Like Her  
TT: I was wrong about her.   
TT: And I’m sorry for telling you this so soon after my last confession to you,   
TT: But I think I’m more than just close to her.   
TT: It happened so fast.   
TT: I’m beginning to develop feelings for her.  
GA: !  
TT: We share many of the same interests, especially when it comes to literature. She’s a CoTL fan.   
TT: And we diverge in opinions and other matters in just the right places.   
TT: Enough to make me feel like she may be…  
TT: I don’t know. My other half.   
TT: She completes me.   
GA: Rose  
TT: She’s also very beautiful. I don’t think I’ve ever been physically attracted to one person before.   
TT: Her eyes are this stunning jade green and they’re always so lit up and interested in everything around her.   
TT: I was never concerned with clothing trends and the like, but her sense of style is so unique and she’s just so talented.   
GA: Rose   
TT: And her voice is like silk and she speaks so eloquently while at the same time, she occasionally trips over words and she’s flustered easily.   
TT: It’s so endearing, how embarrassed she gets. I mistook that quality of her as spinelessness at first, but now I’ve come to embrace it.   
TT: I hate myself for not giving her a chance, for appreciating the fact that she always wanted to be my friend. I was so smug and full of myself.   
TT: It’s me who doesn’t deserve her.   
GA: Rose I   
GA: I Dont Understand Why Youre So Upset Right Now  
GA: Does She Not Feel The Same Way  
TT: I’m very certain that she does.   
GA: Then Whats The Problem   
TT: The problem is…  
TT: She makes me so very anxious.   
TT: I can handle myself when we’re just talking and when we’re with friends.   
TT: But when I think about telling her how I feel.   
TT: It’s like I can’t breathe.   
GA: Are You Scared Of Rejection  
GA: Im Sorry About That By That Way  
GA: About Before   
TT: Don’t worry about it.   
TT: And no. Like I said, I’m sure she feels the same way.   
TT: That’s what I’ve gathered from her mannerisms as well as what her friends have told me.   
TT: But I think even being in close proximity with her makes me nervous.   
TT: Touching her makes me apprehensive.   
TT: But most of all, exposing myself to her makes me anxious.   
TT: Intimacy. Physical and emotional.   
GA: I See  
TT: We had a movie night with all of our friends last night.   
TT: She had to spend the night in my room.   
TT: It was the perfect chance to get closer to her.   
TT: But the thought of making a move ran my anxiety rampant. So I did something stupid.   
GA: ?  
TT: I took vodka from my mother’s liquor cabinets and mixed it with my drinks.   
GA: What  
GA: Why   
GA: I Thought You Hated Alcohol   
TT: I do.   
TT: I just wanted to ease my nerves a little.   
GA: Dont You Have Medicine For Your Anxiety  
TT: Yes, but I didn’t just need my affliction to disappear.   
TT: I also needed that liquid courage.   
TT: It worked.  
TT: But it put me to sleep prematurely.   
TT: “Gracelessly,” as Dirk put it.   
TT: I still managed to get her to share a bed with me.   
GA: Um  
GA: What Really   
TT: Nothing happened!   
TT: Although my semi-hangover did not mix too well with my apprehension about being any more intimate with her in the morning.   
TT: …  
TT: I’m sorry. I don’t know why I’m rambling like this.   
TT: I’m not even seeking advice; I just wanted to talk to someone.   
TT: Thank you for putting up with me.   
GA: I Have Already Assured You That I Dont Mind One Bit   
GA: Honestly Rose I Have A Feeling That Everything Will Work Out For You   
GA: You Two Sound Perfect For Each Other And If Anyone Can Help You Through Your Worries Its Probably Her   
GA: Maybe Shes Planning On Making A Move On You   
GA: Is Such A Scenario Possible  
TT: Thanks for saying so. You always know what to say.   
TT: But I think I may have idiotically acted too hostile towards her in our first encounters.   
TT: I have a feeling that she may believe I’m not interested in her like that, and so she will probably not make the first move.   
TT: Her friends have probably also informed her that I tend to reject any suitors, or the like.   
GA: Well In Either Case   
GA: I Think The Right Opportunity Will Come To You Eventually   
GA: You Just Need To Relax And Breathe A Little   
GA: …  
GA: Im Not Helping At All Am I   
TT: You’re doing fine.   
TT: More than fine. I actually feel much better thanks to you.   
TT: It was nice getting all of that out.   
GA: Im Glad I Could Help In That Case   
TT: It’s odd.   
TT: You remind me of her.   
TT: Or I guess she reminds me of you, since I talked to you first.   
GA: Maybe Its Because Were The Only People That Talk To You About CoTL  
TT: Yes, that’s probably it.  
TT: There’s more to it, but that’s probably the main reason.   
GA: Can You Excuse Me For A Moment  
GA: A Friend Of Mine Is Pestering Me And He Is Very Persistent  
TT: That’s okay, I should stop wasting your time anyway and just go.   
TT: Thanks again for listening. You’re a wonderful friend.   
GA: No Problem Rose   
GA: Take Care   
TT: Bye.   


\--tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering grimAuxilliatrix [GA]\--

Rose sighed in relief as she logged out. She really did feel much better about it. Maybe she did just need to talk and ramble and get things off her chest. She didn’t need a therapist. She had a very good friend, one who never judged her no matter what. She read her fics, after all. 

Speaking of which, Rose decided she should continue writing the next chapter of her fanfiction. Writing was always both a source and an outlet for her stress. Nevertheless, it had been a while since she updated, and she suspected her readers may be itching for some more. As a treat, she would slip in some smut. She’d have to tell GA later that she should expect a new chapter soon and give her the proper warnings. Not that she’d mind it, of course.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops. I just keep taking longer and longer!   
> Maybe this chapter will make up for it.

Kanaya clicked on the messages she was recieving from her cousin. She sighed as she did so, knowing she was in for some yelling.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began pestering grimAuxilliatrix [GA]  


CG: SO I GUESS THAT’S IT THEN?  
CG: YOU’RE NOT GOING TO LISTEN TO ME AT ALL  
GA: Im Not Following   
GA: About What  
CG: ABOUT FUCKING LALONDE THAT’S WHAT   
CG: AND I MEANT TO USE THAT WORD AS AN ADJECTIVE, NOT AS A VERB.   
CG: UNLESS THAT’S WHAT YOU TWO WERE DOING IN HER ROOM???  
CG: OH GOD.   
GA: Karkat Can You Not Imply Such Embarrassing Scenarios   
CG: SORRY  
GA: I Mean I Would Have To At Least Buy Her Dinner First  
CG: FUCK YOU AND I'M TAKING THAT APOLOGY BACK.   
CG: OKAY BUT IN ALL SERIOUSNESS, ARE YOU TWO GOING TO BECOME A THING?   
CG: IS THAT WHY YOU TWO SNEAK OFF EVERY SIXTH PERIOD TO WHO-KNOWS-WHERE TO DO WHO-KNOWS-WHAT?   
CG: IS ALL THE FLIRTING AND GIGGLING AND SHARING BEDS GOING TO LEAD TO YOU TWO BEING A COUPLE?  
CG: WHEN I *SPECIFICALLY* TOLD YOU TO STAY AWAY FROM THAT SHE-DEVIL?  
GA: Karkat Please  
GA: Shes Been Trying Her Hardest   
GA: Shes Been Open To Becoming Friends With Terezi  
GA: And Even With Vriska  
GA: Shes Considerably Less Hostile To Everyone   
GA: Why Cant You Do The Same?   
CG: BECAUSE.   
CG: I’M JUST AFRAID SHES GOING TO END UP HURTING YOU.   
GA: Oh Please   
GA: You Are Basing That Assumption From Romantic Comedy Films That Utilize Such Foreshadowing To Introduce Conflict   
GA: If Anything Its Me Who Is Hurting Her   
GA: I’ve Learned Quite Recently That I Make Her Almost Sickeningly Nervous   
GA: Maybe Im Not Good For Her   
CG: WHAT THE FUCK. OF COURSE YOU ARE.   
CG: YOU’RE PROBABLY THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO THAT WITCH   
CG: SHE’S SO MUCH MORE BEARABLE TO BE AROUND AND SHE LOOKS MUCH HAPPIER  
CG: AND SO DO YOU.  
GA: Weren’t You Just Trying To Give Me Reasons Why We Shouldnt Be Together   
CG: GOD DAMMIT  
CG: LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO  
GA: Youre Too Sweet Karkat   
GA: But I Really Do Think Im Not Good For Her  
GA: I Have Been Informed That I Make Her   
GA: Nervous  
GA: Unbearably So   
CG: WHAT. WHY?  
GA: She Has Issues With Anxiety   
GA: Especially When It Comes To Being In A Romantic Relationship With Someone   
GA: I Only Seem To Worsen Her Condition Because   
GA: Well   
GA: I Am Seeking Such A Relationship With Her  
CG: WOW REALLY? NO WAY.   
CG: YEAH IT REALLY WASN’T OBVIOUS TO ANYONE WITH EYES.   
CG: BUT I CAN’T IMAGINE WHY LALONDE’S ANXIOUS OVER YOU OF ALL PEOPLE SINCE YOUR PRESCENSE IS MORE SEDATIVE THAN ANYTHING ELSE   
CG: SHE JUST NEEDS TO CALM HER SHIT DOWN   
CG: AND YOU TWO WILL BE ALL RIGHT  
GA: Thank You Karkat I Should Just Tell Her To Calm Her Shit Down And All Of Her Anxiety And Trust Issues Will Go Away And She Will Fall Into My Arms Chimerically And We Will Ride Off Into The Sunset On Maplehoof   
CG: OH IS THAT HER PONY’S NAME?   
GA: Yes  
CG: OKAY NOT THAT I GIVE A FUCK  
CG: BUT WHAT I WAS TRYING TO DO WAS TO REMIND YOU THAT WE BOTH KNOW OF A PERSON WHO IS PRETTY GOOD AT CALMING PEOPLE’S SHIT DOWN  
GA: Who  
CG: FOR THE LOVE OF   
CG: WHO WENT TO OUR MOTHERLAND INDIA A FEW YEARS AGO AND CAME BACK AS BASICALLY A MASTER OF YOGA AND SHIT AND FORCED US TO PRACTICE IT  
CG: AND MIRACULOUSLY EVEN GOT ME TO CALM MY ASS SOMEWHAT   
GA: Oh You Mean My Mother   
CG: YES I MEAN AUNT PORRIM   
CG: IF ANYONE CAN HELP LALONDE WITH HER ISSUES IT’S HER.   
GA: Oh My Goodness Karkat Thats Brilliant   
GA: Why Didnt I Think Of That   
CG: BECAUSE YOU’RE NOT ME  
GA: Of Course   
GA: Thanks For The Advice Karkat   
CG: UGH I CAN’T BELIEVE I’M HELPING YOU HOOK UP WITH LALONDE OUT OF ALL PEOPLE  
CG: BUT SHE MAKES YOU HAPPY, SO WHAT CAN I DO?   
CG: AND NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT, JOHN AND JADE ARE ALWAYS WORRIED ABOUT HER SO MAYBE THIS IS ALL FOR THE BEST  
CG: SO I GUESS YOU’VE WON ME OVER.   
GA: Your Support Means A Lot You Know   
CG: YEAH, YEAH.   
CG: I HOPE I DON’T REGRET THIS   
GA: You Wont   
CG: OKAY, WELL THAT’S ALL I HAD TO SAY. I’LL GO BACK TO KICKING ASS IN TEAM FORTRESS.  
GA: That Sounds Like A Good Idea   
GA: Bye   
CG: BYE   


carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased pestering grimAuxilliatrix [GA]

Kanaya logged out of Pesterchum and began working on some homework she had left off. A few hours later, a new email popped up. It was from Rose. She curiously clicked on it and she found that it was a new chapter of her on-going fic. She excitedly read it through once, just as she had done many times before. The last sixth or so of the chapter raised Kanaya’s eyebrows. Surprise smut. Very subtle, Lalonde, Kanaya mused. She was torn between being extremely embarrassed from reading such heavy sexual material that her crush wrote, and wanting to laugh from imaging her writing all this with a straight face. 

Either way, Rose’s writing was beautiful, even with all of the explicit sexual material, and so Kanaya couldn’t help but love it. It struck her right then that she urgently needs to tell Rose who she really is. The longer she keeps her identity a secret, the worse Rose’s reaction will be. And yet…maybe it was better to wait. Her mother would be gone for a few days the following week, but Rose could come visit on the weekend. Maybe her mother could calm Rose’s nerves, and then Kanaya could tell her shortly afterwards. Then, they could have a good laugh about it and not worry over this silly circumstantial issue ever again.

Kanaya only hoped it was that simple. 

\---

The two girls met in their rendezvous room at sixth period, as usual. Rose asked for a few minutes of silence while she completed a nearly-finished math worksheet. Kanaya tried to read a few pages of a book she recently checked out, but find that she was more interested in checking out the girl in front of her. Her eyebrows were scrunched up in contemplation, occasionally chewing the back of her pencil. Kanaya decided watching Rose put work into anything she did at all was pleasant to watch. Once or twice, Rose looked up at her, prompting her to redirect her eyes back to the words in her book. 

As soon as she seemed to be finished with her work, Kanaya blurted out, “Would you like to come over?” 

“Come…over?” Rose questioned slowly while she packed up her math work. 

“Yes! I meant on the weekend. To my house. And meet my family. It’s really just my mother and I at home, but I—”

“Of course I would!” Rose immediately responded, and her face quickly flushing at her display of eagerness. She amended, “I mean, that sounds lovely.” 

“I just thought it would be fitting to introduce you to my mother, since I had the pleasure of meeting yours.” 

“Sounds great.” She paused, and casually added, “What did you think of her?” 

“Your mother?” Kanaya asked, prompting Rose to nod. “She’s…breathtaking.” Rose’s eyes narrowed slightly in a questioning manner and Kanaya blushed and held up both hands. “Or no—that’s the wrong word. She’s…overwhelming. She has a certain air about her—one that can put you on the edge. But at the same time, she’s still very charismatic and engaging.” Rose was biting her lip and nodding slightly. Kanaya let out a small laugh. “I’m not sure I’m making any sense.” 

“No, you are. That seems reasonable.” She assured Kanaya. “Is she anything like yours?” 

Kanaya pursed her lips and thought for a second. “It’s strange for me to compare them because I’ve only met yours once, of course. However…I think they’re similar in that they have some magnetism about them. But it’s different. My mother is—well, you’ll see when you meet her. She has a calming effect about her. Bad days at school were never a problem for me, because she would soothe me the instant I would get home. People say I take after her.” She paused again. “In that way, she puts me at an edge too. I’ve been pursuing the same career, as you know, and well...she compliments my work and everything but...it’s like she’s waiting. Waiting for me to…” 

“…To catch up with her?”

Kanaya’s eyes widened. “Yes! Exactly.” 

Rose nodded. “I know that feeling.” 

Kanaya sensed some melancholy in the other girl’s voice, so she changed the subject. “But you will meet my mother this weekend! And it’s not done yet, but I’ll try to finish the first design of your dress sometime this week so I can give it to you by the time you come over.” 

“Oh! It completely slipped my mind that you’ve been working laboriously at improving my wardrobe. That’s so…” She drifed off. Sweet. Adorable. “Accomadating.” 

“Well, my only hope is that you enjoy wearing this dress in the same degree of enjoyment I experienced from making it.” 

Rose smiled dreamily. “I can almost guarantee it.” 

After making these plans, the week went on as ordinarily as could be. At homeroom and English class, Rose still sat with her friends and Kanaya with hers. They would glance at each other from time to time, just to flash a grin or smirk at something the teacher would say. They weren’t the only ones. Vriska distracted John while Dave made rude gestures at Terezi. Jade would sometimes type away at her cell phone at the same time that Karkat would be banging furiously at his. 

Rose was the first to say that when the quarter ends and they are allowed to rearrange their seats, they should sit closer to their new friends. The others grinned, nodding in agreement. They were waiting for Rose’s word on it. For now, they would have to make do with stealing glances and making hand gestures. 

For the rest of the week, they continued like this; stealing glances in English class and meeting in their usual spot, usually to talk but occasionally just to have a quiet place to read and do homework. Sometimes, Rose would take out her laptop and start typing away rapidly. Kanaya could only chuckle to herself, knowing what kinds of things Rose could be typing. She also felt guilty for it. It was bad enough that Rose asked Kanaya what she thought of the fanfictions she recommended to her. Kanaya had to think of new aspects of her fic to criticize. Sometimes, she’d ramble on and on but upon apologizing for it, Rose would shake her head and smile for her to keep talking. 

\--

Rose didn’t know what she had been expecting, but seeing Kanaya’s mother for the first time was still slightly shocking. She was wearing something that was a mix of traditional Indian clothing and chic French clothing, something she may have designed herself, Rose assumed. Like her daughter, she also wore jade green lipstick. Unlike her daughter, she had both a nose and lip ring, as well as a few cartilage piercings on her ears. Later, when she stretched a bit, Rose could also see that she had various arrays of tattoos covering both arms and near her collarbones. 

Rose wondered if maybe Ms. Maryam had some kind of rebellious streak when she was younger, but Kanaya later told her that her parents died when she was very young. She had to take care of her younger brother, Karkat’s father, all by herself. She had a very tough time upon growing up, especially as a second-generation Indian immigrant as well as an independent woman of color. She turned to radical feminism while she was in design school, which somewhat explained the tattoos. Rose could only appreciate and respect Porrim Maryam more for that

Upon entering Kanaya’s house, she was immediately offered tea. Although Rose was used to drinking Earl Gray or lemon tea, Ms. Maryam gave her a wide array of teas to choose from. She recommended Kava, which she explained was one of the best teas for calming one’s nerves. Rose wasn’t feeling the least bit anxious around Ms. Maryam; quite the opposite, really. 

Porrim went on, “…Or perhaps chamomile or peppermint? They are not as strong as Kava but they are also very soothing.” 

“I would like pomegranate, Mother.” Kanaya said. She looked at Rose, “Maybe for Rose, too.” 

Rose thought about it, and decided she would like to try the soothing tea first. “Actually, I would like to try the Kava, please. Although pomegranate sounds tempting.” 

“Wonderful.” Ms. Maryam said. “You two can also have pomegranate at a later time. I will go brew the Kava.” She got up from the couch and strode to the kitchen. 

“I guess you noticed.” Rose said softly. 

“Hm?” 

“My anxiety. It was that prominent last weekend, I presume?” 

Kanaya laughed nervously. “Y-yes. It seems that I’ve been found out as well.”

“It wasn’t that hard to conclude.” Rose said. She smirked. “Is that your plan—to tranquilize me and then have your way? Swoon.” She made the swooning motion. Kanaya blushed, appreciative of the fact that her mother’s tea kettle whistled so loudly, and hoped that her mother couldn’t hear them.

“The plan is more elaborate, actually. My mother was planning on showing you some techniques in yoga.”

“Yoga?” Rose thought about it for a moment. “Yes. I’ve never thought about yoga. My mother tried to handle my anxiety with pills. Maybe your mother knows better.” 

“I hope so!” Kanaya said cheerfully. Rose took this time to ask about her mother, and after Porrim came back with the teapot and three cups with flowery designs, Rose received answers from the woman herself. Porrim also described which stores one could find Kava, as well as how to use the actual root if Rose is ever unable to find Kava powder.

After taking a sip of the tea, Rose understood why Kanaya was so reluctant to drink it. It had a very earthy taste, neither pleasant nor unpleasant. It made her tongue and throat a little numb, but they began to buzz after a while. She began to feel much more relaxed, both mentally and physically. 

After they had finished their tea, Porrim insisted they all sit down on the ground, legs crossed. She began with a couple of breathing techniques; just deep breathing and such. She then had them visualize a sort of “happy place” and insisted that they could return there in their minds whenever anxiety began to take over. Kanaya had already gone through this, of course. Next, she showed them different postures to relieve tension. Rose especially liked the half-moon move. She had never felt so at ease in her life. After about twenty minutes, they were finished. Porrim told Rose to continue practicing some of the techniques she showed her a few times throughout the week, and Rose agreed. 

Kanaya then insisted that the two of them go upstairs to see the dress she had been working on. Porrim let them be, saying she would brew some more tea and bring it up later. 

The first thing Rose noticed about the dress hanging outside of Kanaya’s closet was that it used the same yellows and oranges that were in her favorite hoodie. It looked just like the way Kanaya had sketched it, except even better. Rose stared at it in awe, and ran a finger down the fabric. 

“Kanaya…this is amazing! I don’t know when I’m going to get a chance to wear this but...” She breathed, turning to Kanaya. “Wow. Thank you so much. I love it.” 

Before Kanaya could bashfully respond, she felt Rose’s arms wrap around her waist tightly. Kanaya blinked, and then wrapped her arms around Rose, too. The held each other for a moment before Rose let go and pointed out that her poster of CoTL was very similar to the one in Kanaya’s room. She made a few other observations before the two of them finally sat down on Kanaya’s bed. 

“I think I’m a little too relaxed.” Rose said, giggling and falling backwards onto her bed, shifting herself so that she was lying completely on the bed. 

She tugged on Kanaya’s arm and pulled her down so that she was lying next to her. She looked smug as usual, with the slightest hint of trembling on her lips. She brought her face closer to Kanaya’s, so that their noses were almost touching. When they made eye contact, Rose quickly pulled away, face flushed. Kanaya could feel her own face heat up. Did she almost…? 

“Rose?” She said, finally breaking the silence. It was almost as if Rose was waiting for Kanaya to say something, just so that she could be prompted to putting her hand over Kanaya’s mouth. 

With a coy smile, she lightly whispered, “Shh…” Kanaya nearly rolled her eyes. Rose shifted her hand from the other girl’s mouth to over her eyes. Kanaya could feel the rest of Rose’s body shift as well, so that Rose was hovering over her, her knees placed near both sides of Kanaya’s hips. 

Kanaya found herself laughing lightly, idly saying “Haha, Rose! What do you want?” Rose proceeded to remove her hand. 

Kanaya’s light flushing was turning into burning heat at the sight of Rose Lalonde perched above her, with the same coy smile she always wore. She answered with a question, “What do you think I want?” She then pushed herself down slowly, close enough that their noses were touching again. Kanaya squeezed her eyes shut, waiting for whatever it was that was about to come. Nothing happened. Kanaya opened her eyes and saw that Rose backed away again, trembling a little, eyebrows furrowed in worry. She began to nervously chew on her lip. “S-sorry.” 

Kanaya felt her heart constrict at the sight of Rose. _She’s trying so hard._ Rose awkwardly tried to shuffle off of Kanaya. Before she could do anything else, Kanaya tugged on her arm and pulled her down. She sat up and got into the same position that Rose was in before, their roles reversed. 

She pushed a stray hair off of her cheek and murmured, “Rose. It’s okay.” She could hear her breathing quicken and her eyes were darting anywhere away from Kanaya’s. “Look at me.” Kanaya gently cupped both of Rose’s cheeks. “It’s going to be all right.” She whispered before leaning in and gently brushing her lips to Rose’s. 

She could feel Rose tense up at first, and then relax underneath her. Kanaya held the chaste kiss for a few seconds before pulling back and opening her eyes. Rose’s eyes fluttered open as well, in a sort of dreamy trance. She smiled. Not one of her smug grins or snarky smirks, but a real, genuine smile. Kanaya stared at her in wonder, a shy smile on her face as well. She tilted her head and leaned down for another, slightly rougher kiss. Rose leaned up in order to meet Kanaya’s lips more firmly. Her hands reached around the back of her head, entwining her fingers in her hair. They continuously pressed their lips together, only stopping occasionally for air. Their breathing was ragged and desperate, both of them longing for this for so long.

It wasn’t until they heard faint creaking of the stairs that they pulled apart. They both sat up on the bed and smoothed out their hair and clothes. Rose noticed too late that Kanaya’s lipstick had been smudged, and so Kanaya didn’t notice when Rose frantically gestured to her lips. The door cracked open, and Porrim came in, carrying a teapot and two cups settled on a tray. 

“I brought that tea you two wanted and—” She froze at the sight of them, sitting nervously and a little guiltily on Kanaya’s bed, both with an exchange of black and jade green lipstick smeared around their mouths. If Porrim hadn’t known better, and her daughter and her newly acquired girlfriend were any younger, she would’ve assumed that they were merely failing terribly at applying makeup. She smiled widely. “Well, I see you girls are busy! You can always let me know when you would not like to be disturbed. Enjoy your tea!” She set down the tray on Kanaya’s night stand. She hurried out but before leaving, she grinned at them and added, “And each other.” She chuckled to herself as she left. 

Kanaya firmly planted her face into her hands and groaned, “Oh she’s so embarrassing.” 

“Well, it could be worse.” Rose said, putting her arms around Kanaya’s shoulders. “She could be like my mother and attempt to take photographs of such incidents.” 

“Would she really do that?” Kanaya asked dubiously, looking up a hint of a grin forming on her face. 

“I wouldn’t put it past her.” Rose said. She grinned as well, which slowly turned into a giggle. “You look ridiculous.” 

Kanaya gently pushed her, giggling as well. “So do you!” She hopped off her bed and took Rose’s hand. “Let’s get cleaned up.” 

After wiping away all of the stray lipstick and not bothering to put more on, they settled back down in Kanaya’s room in order to drink the pomegranate tea that Kanaya’s mother had brought them. They sat close together, speaking in hushed voices and occasionally stealing shy kisses.

Kanaya pushed telling Rose about her identity back in her mind yet again, even after seeing Rose out and saying goodbye. She was much too giddy. 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I'm just continuously apologizing for being later and later in posting chapters.  
> Writing block. Sorry! 
> 
> Enjoy.

It wasn’t until they saw the spark in Kanaya’s eyes and the way she excitedly bit her lip while returning to her desk after her daily meet-up with Rose that Vriska and Karkat noticed something different about her. She was almost glowing with happiness, and even Rose seemed a little giddy for once. Karkat had already guessed why, but mentally kicked himself for not asking Kanaya exactly what happened with her. It was Vriska who asked, of course. 

“Fussyface…” She said, lowering her voice to a whisper and occasionally looking in Rose’s direction, “Are you and Lalonde…going out??!” 

Kanaya blushed, eyes shifting. “Erm. Uh. Maybe?” She weakly offered. 

“Whaddya mean ‘maybe?’”

Karkat crossed his arms. “It’s either a simple yes or a no, Kanaya.” 

“A yes or no to what?” Terezi interjected, placing her hands on Karkat’s shoulder. 

“None of your business, Terezi!” He said, flailing. 

“Kanaya’s got a girlfriend.” Vriska said, in almost a sing-song voice. “Or she’s ‘maybe’ got a girlfriend.” She made the quotation marks with her fingers and rolled her eyes. 

“Oh?” She grinned excitedly. “Did you and Rose finally kiss??!” 

“Umm m-maybe.” Kanaya blushed. 

Vriska scoffed and then smiled real wide. “You finally did it! Nice going, Fussyface. Didn’t think you’d have the nerve!” 

Kanaya blushed harder while the rest of her friends, including Tavros and Aradia, who just joined in, began directing a slurry of questions towards her, which were answered with the following: “Yes—it was nice…No—she did not suck my soul out…I’m not sure whether or not we’re dating…we didn’t discuss it very much.” 

“What is that commotion over there?” John asked his friends, all who shrugged while Rose just looked towards the commotion with a smile permanently glued to her face. 

“I dunno, but I can totally guess.” Dave said. “It all adds up.” He turned to Rose. “I thought you were smiling like that cause I offered you some damn good AJ when you came back from Maryam’s house.” He folded his arms and slapped a hand to his face. “But of course it wasn’t the fuckin’ AJ!” 

Rose laughed a crisp and genuine laugh. “Of course your apple juice was delicious, Dave.” 

“Mhmm.” Jade gentle nudged Rose. “But we all know why you’ve really been smiling like thaaaat.” 

Rose tried to hide her smile and failed miserably. “I don’t know what you’re referring to.” 

John narrowed his eyes and then gasped, as if he just came to the realization. “You kissed her!” He said louder than he should have. Jade tried to shush him but it was too late; everyone heard. Kanaya locked eyes with Rose and they both smiled gleefully and turned away, just in time for the teacher to come in and settle them all down. 

\--- 

At lunch, driven by Rose’s approval, the kids finally decided to sit next to their new friends. Dave sat in between Terezi and Karkat, much to the latter’s displeasure. It helped him somewhat to find John sitting next to him and Jade across. Kanaya sat next to Jade, and Rose next to Kanaya and across from Vriska. 

Kanaya immediately found herself pulled into a conversation with Jade and Tavros about flora and fauna, since they seemed to be enthusiasts of the subjects. Kanaya herself had been fond of gardening, and so they discussed what they found to be the best vegetables to grow during the fall and winter seasons. Jade also recruited her into the school’s gardening club. Meanwhile, Rose was busy trying to convince Vriska that in most MMORPGs, passive classes and/or characters with magical potential were the best. Vriska disagreed, and preferred melee combat, usually with the quick-witted thief class. Their debate started to really heat up, before John calmly suggested that they duel it out in a nice game of Alliance of Myths, which he knew they both played. They shook on it with fervor. 

After that exchange, Rose glanced at the girl next to her and smiled, appreciating the curve of Kanaya’s smile and the somewhat sharp-looking canine teeth she showed while grinning. She placed her hand on top of hers. Kanaya looked down at their hands and smiled wider, while continuing to converse with the others.She pulled Rose’s hands down underneath the table so that it was out of view and they intertwined their fingers together. They stayed like that until the end of the period, their hands perspiring by the time they let go. 

After lunch, the two girls said their goodbyes and headed to their room in the library. Kanaya could feel that Rose was walking more briskly than usual. By the time they reached the room, she understood why. 

Rose quickly but cautiously closed the door behind them, and then proceeded to grab Kanaya by the shoulders and pull her into a kiss. Rose’s inner dominance didn’t appreciate the few inches Kanaya had on her, and so she pushed her back and down onto a chair, continuously pressing her lips against the other girl’s. With a final peck on the cheek, Rose pulled back and sat across from Kanaya. 

She smoothed out her hair and calmly sighed, “I’m glad I got that out of my system.” 

The both giggled nervously, suddenly embarrassed. Rose diverted her attention to fishing out the unfinished homework in her bag. A few moments went by before Kanaya spoke. “Um,” She said. “Rose? Are we…going out?” 

Rose chewed the back of her pencil and didn’t look up. “Going where?” 

“Going out.” Kanaya mumbled, and then raised her voice a little. “I-I mean dating. Are we dating?” 

There was an audible clack from the pencil Rose dropped. She looked utterly stumped. “I—dating? Yes! I mean I thought…I assumed that it was…obvious.” She finished lamely, cheeks reddening. 

Kanaya grinned at Rose’s flustering words. She set her elbows down on the table, chin resting on her folded hands. “Oh my, Miss Lalonde. Have I ever mentioned that you have a way with words?” 

“I believe you have. What brought this on?” 

“My companions. They asked me if the two of us were participating in the adolescent high school ritual that can only be described as ‘going out.’” 

“Or as ‘dating,’ as you coherently put earlier. As for the question of whether or not we are, indeed, participating in that particular ritual, I believe we have not officially discussed that matter until this moment. Let us resolve that issue by asking one another. That is the proper protocol, I would say.”

Kanaya laughed. “Okay, okay! Let’s stop being so silly.” 

“I like how our ‘being silly’ consists of using formal language to communicate ideas.” 

“And trading snarky remarks.”

“And trading snarky remarks.”

“But in all seriousness.” Kanaya said, reaching across the table to grab ahold of Rose’s hands. “Would you like to metaphorically ‘go out’?”

Rose rubbed a thumb along the back of Kanaya’s hands while continuing to lock eyes with her. “Are you asking to court me, Miss Maryam?” 

“Yes.” 

“Then what choice do I have but to accept?” 

Kanaya smiled, heart drumming just as fast as the first time she laid eyes on Rose, and reached over the table to plant a kiss on her new girlfriend’s lips. 

\--

arachnidsGrip [AG]  began pestering  tentacleTherapist [TT] 

AG: Laloooooooonde  
TT: Vriiiiiiiska.   
AG: <33333333  
AG: W8 a minute  
AG: That was 7 I’s you 8itch!!!!!!!!  
TT: I know.   
TT: It was a deliberate ploy to antagonize you.   
AG: Wellllllll it worked!   
TT: Actually, I just wanted to see if you took the time to count them all.   
TT: When did your preoccupation with the number 8 start?   
AG: Ohhhhhhhh no.   
AG: You are NOT going to psychoanalyze me.   
TT: There was not going to be any psychoanalysis.  
TT: Just simple curiosity.   
AG: Well stuff that curiosity 8ack in your 8ooks, Lalonde!!!!!!!!  
AG: Are you ready to do this thing?  
TT: Ah, yes.   
TT: The thing.   
TT: Bring it on. 

They proceeded to make an online room for AoM for a one-on-one duel between Vriska’s Master Thief and Rose’s Dark Magician. Since Vriska had been playing AoM for longer, her level was much higher than the other girl’s. She put a handicap on her character to accommodate for the discrepancy.

Even though they were equal in power, Rose had learned some of the exploits for her class. That, and with the Dark Magician’s “drain” ability, Vriska went down fairly quickly. 

AG: Fuck you Lalonde!!!!!!!!  
AG: You just got luckyyyyyyyy  
TT: I thought you had all the luck?  
TT: All of it?   
AG: ........   
TT: We can have a rematch.   
TT: You can even turn off the handicap if you so wish.   
AG: If you want a real 8eating that bad, then suuuuuuuure!   
TT: Let’s go. 

None of Rose’s cunning moves were able to put her on the path to victory with Vriska this time. Her level was simply too high for Rose to have a fair chance at all. Rose knew when she was outmatched, and so she didn’t put up too much of a fight against her opponent. 

AG: Boooooooo-yeah!  
AG: Eat it, Lalonde!   
TT: I will wholeheartedly consume whatever you wish, Vriska.   
TT: Although it’s not much of a victory when one’s opponent is almost ten levels below oneself.   
AG: Ugh can’t you let me 8ask in my glory for once?  
TT: I suppose I could.   
TT: Congratulations for your petty victory.   
AG: You don’t sound like you mean it. ::::(   
AG: Just kidding! It’s not like I caaaaaaaare.   
TT: Right.   
AG: So what’s going on with you and Fussyface?   
TT: That was a quick change of topic.   
TT: Also, I don’t think she appreciates being called that.   
AG: Man, who cares?   
AG: Fussyface’s gonna fuss! It’s what she does best.   
TT: Can’t argue with that.   
AG: So are you two dating or what????????  
TT: Would it antagonize you further if I said we were?   
AG: What. No.   
AG: Why would it 8other me?   
TT: So you’re not burning with envy as green as Kanaya’s lipstick?   
AG: Um no???????  
AG: Am I supposed to be jealous of two 8oring girls who o8sess over dum8 nerdy wizard 8ooks?  
TT: I was only joking, Vriska.   
TT: Besides, your o8session with Nic Cage flicks isn’t really anywhere near the territory of “cool.”   
AG: First of all, Nic is a dream8oat so sh8t it!!!!!!!!  
AG: And s8cond, d8n’t you ever do my quirk again you little quirk thief.  
TT: I thought you liked thieves?   
AG: Ugh Lalonde why are you so infuri8ing????????  
AG: Go m8ke out with Fussyface or something.   
TT: Unfortunately, she’s staying after school to participate in the gardening club with Jade.   
AG: Ohhhhhhhh are YOU green with envy now?   
AG: That’d make things much more interesting!   
TT: No.   
TT: Although I do miss her already.  
AG: Aw. Well what can I say?   
AG: That’s kind of cute. Maybe you make a good couple after all ::::)  
AG: You’ve stopped being a cold-hearted 8itch all the time, and I guess it’s 8ecause of her.  
TT: …  
TT: Is that what you all thought of me?   
AG: Yeah, pretty much.   
TT: Well, thanks for being honest.   
TT: And for the record, she’s not changing me.   
TT: She’s only given me the opportunity to change; I took it myself.   
AG: Yeah, yeah! Suuuuuuuure  
AG: Okay I gotta go now  
AG: Let’s do this again sometime!  
AG: The match, I mean. Not the cheesy heart-to-heart.   
AG: Unless you wanna do that too :::;)  
TT: I will consider both offers.   
AG: Gr8!   
AG: Catch ya later.   
TT: Bye. 

arachnidsGrip [AG]  ceased pestering  tentacleTherapist [TT] 

\---

When they were assigned the first English project for the year, The Kids were finally broken up. Normally, when there were partners involved, they would pair up in some permutation of the four of them. This time, however, especially due to the nature of the assignment, they sought out their new friends. The assignment was to make a 10-page piece of creative fiction. The catch was that each partner had to alternate writing the story every paragraph. Rose couldn’t think of a better person she would want to work with than her girlfriend. John and Vriska agreed to write about “pir8s” and began spewing out ideas for their story already. Terezi wanted do a story about a crime case and Dave agreed to do it, as long as it ended up being about a vigilante with a sweet sword. Karkat and Jade argued like a married couple over their story, until they decided to write a romantic story between two anthropomorphic canines. 

When the two girls met up at Rose’s house to work on their story, they found that they had trouble paying attention to their task. While Kanaya was typing, Rose took the opportunity to wrap her arms around her neck and rub her nose against the other girl’s cheek.

Kanaya giggled. “Rose, I can’t write anything when you’re being such a wicked temptress and hanging about my neck like so.” 

“Mhmm.” Rose murmured, and whispered close to her ear, “But you don’t mind, do you?” 

Kanaya sighed and set Rose’s laptop aside onto her nightstand. “Now you’ve done it.” She said before tackling Rose down onto the bed. She then proceeded to launch a full tickle attack to Rose’s stomach. 

Rose immediately began to laugh, and Kanaya noted that her girlfriend was indeed ticklish on her tummy. Her giggles filled the room, getting louder and louder, along with bouts of “I’m so-ho-so-ho-so-orry!!!” When Kanaya decided she was sorry enough, she stopped the tickling and wrapped her arms around Rose. She kissed her cheek and held her. Rose realized that they hadn’t done that very much—the act of just holding each other and feeling close to one another. They lost track of time as they simply laid together, arms wrapped around each other and legs entangled. 

Rose only pulled back in order to look into her girlfriend’s eyes and continue to play with her hair and caress her cheek. Kanaya took her hand from her cheek and pressed a kiss to its palm, and then to each individual finger. Rose brushed her thumb against Kanaya’s lips before leaning in to kiss her again. They spent the next few minutes kissing. 

“I think,” Kanaya said, after Rose’s lips gave her a moment to rest, “this is what they call,” another kiss, “the ‘honeymoon phase.’” 

Rose giggled, “You’re right. Ah…maybe we should try working elsewhere.” 

“Perhaps an empty classroom?” 

Another peck and a crooked smile. “Sure. Although I can’t guarantee that an empty classroom will prevent me from pouncing on you nevertheless.” 

“Then it won’t be empty. I will invite Karkat and Jade to work there, too.”

“Good idea. Nothing kills the mood like your clamoring cousin.”

Kanaya pinched Rose’s nose. “That was mean.” She then let it go and kissed it. “But that alliteration was beautiful.” 

“Thank you.” 

\---

Kanaya logged into Pesterchum, finding that Karkat was offline. Jade, however, had just logged in. She figured asking either one would result in some iteration of blowing up; Jade in a positive manner and Karkat in a negative one. 

grimAuxiliatrix [GA]  began pestering  gardenGnostic [GG] 

GA: Hi Jade   
GG: hey kanaya!!   
GG: i thought you didnt like pesterchum or something?  
GA: Oh No Its Not That I Dont Like It  
GA: But Actually I Wanted To Ask   
GA: Have You And Karkat Started Your Story Yet?   
GG: no not yet!!   
GG: mr grumpy pants is being uncooperative ):  
GA: Oh Im Sorry To Hear That   
GA: Actually   
GA: No Im Not   
GA: I Was Hoping You And He Could Join Rose And I In Our English Classroom After School   
GA: So That Both Of Our Groups Could Complete The Assignment   
GG: oh what’s wrong with just meeting up there?   
GG: or just at rose’s house or something?  
GA: Oh Um   
GA: We Get Distracted   
GG: really? it’s not like rose to be distracted!  
GG: especially when it comes to english assignments   
GA: Yes But   
GA: I Mean   
GA: We Are Both Distracted   
GA: By Each Other   
GG: oh.   
GG: ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh  
GG: i knew it!!!!!   
GG: she was being all coy about it but i knew it :DD  
GG: ahhhh im so happy for you two!!!!!!!!!!!!  
GG: and me and karkat would love to join you guys don’t worry!   
GA: Thats Good To Hear   
GG: and maybe you and rose’s passion for literature will rub off on us   
GG: hehe  
GA: We Can Help You Two If Youre Ever Stuck   
GG: great!! thanks so much  
GA: No Thank You   
GG: no problem!!   
GG: see you tomorrow :)   
GA: Bye 

grimAuxiliatrix [GA]  ceased pestering  gardenGnostic [GG] 

\--

“You need to speak up, Karkat. I can’t hear you.” Jade said while Karkat continued to grumble.

“It sounds like you’re brewing up some good ideas there.” Rose added. 

“The only thing I’m brewing is a piping hot cup of shut the fuck up, Lalonde,” Karkat bellowed at her. Kanaya made a sound of disapproval at her cousin, who shot her a look before speaking to Jade. “Why are we here again?” 

“Oh my God, Karkat! Why does it matter?” 

“Because these two broads here are making like fucking goo goo eyes at each other and doing those flirty hand touches and it’s driving me up the wall!”

“Why are you paying attention to them instead of—you know—our story?” 

“They’re in my peripheral vision.” Karkat said, crossing his arms. 

Jade sighed loudly. “Okay, it’s been a long day. Let’s go get some fresh air.” She got up and pulled Karkat along. “And maybe we’ll get some inspiration from the daffodils in the gardens, hmm?” Karkat nodded, but grumbled the entire way out. 

Kanaya burst out laughing as soon as they left. “We drove them away!” 

“Their loss.” Rose said, pulling back Kanaya’s hair and kissing her forehead. 

“Yes, well.” Kanaya squeezed both of Rose’s cheeks. “We should work. I, for one, know what to write next.” She began to type in their shared document. Rose watched her for a little while, making suggestions here and there while attempting to distract her girlfriend. 

“Rose.” is all Kanaya sternly had to say before Rose finally let go of her ears. 

“Sorry, darling. I can’t help it.” She walked over to Jade’s laptop. “I’ll get out of your way and just mess with my brother’s head using Jade’s Pesterchum account.” 

“You do that.” Kanaya said, fingers busy clacking away at the keyboard. 

Rose was happy to see that Jade was already logged in. She clicked on turntechGodhead. Before the screen could pop up, something caught Rose’s eye in the Recent Conversations section of Jade’s Pesterchum. She minimized the chat with Dave and that was when she realized it; Jade had been talking to grimAuxiliatrix too. She couldn’t believe her eyes. They wandered through the chat. Her throat closed up at the mention of her own name and Karkat’s throughout this chat. She scrolled to the top and her heart nearly stopped. 

GG: hey kanaya!!

_Please tell me this is a joke._

“Kanaya. Can you come here for a second?” 

“It better not be any cat pictures this time.” 

“It’s not.” 

Kanaya’s eyebrows furrowed at the tone of Rose’s voice. She got up and began to walk over to her, seeing that she was blankly staring at Jade’s laptop screen. 

“What is this?” Rose asked, although it sounded more like a statement. Kanaya leaned down and looked at the screen. It was a Pesterchum window. Her and Jade’s previous conversation. 

Her eyes widened and she bit her lip nervously. A few moments passed. “Rose. I am so sorry.” 

Rose closed the window and slammed the laptop shut. She got up, and for a moment, Kanaya got up and began to follow her, afraid she was about to leave. Instead, Rose began to pace back and forth. 

“So. You knew. All this time.” She said, shaking her head. 

“I—”

“You knew everything. Everything I told you in confidence.” 

“But I didn’t—”

“And you read all the stories I sent you.” 

“Yes, but—”

Rose stopped. “You came here all this way?” She turned around, eyes narrowed, mouth twitching. “For a prank?” 

“What! Rose, no. I just happened to move into this town! By chance.”

“But you knew it was me.” She walked closer to Kanaya, but her eyes were staring past her. You knew that we’d been…communicating. Did you know that?” 

“I…yes.” Kanaya admitted, looking down. 

Rose pushed past her and sat down on one of the desks. It was then that Kanaya realized Rose’s breathing was a little too quick and somewhat erratic. With her face in one hand, Kanaya could see that she was thinking, probably putting all the pieces together. 

“Rose…” Kanaya said, reaching over to her. Rose’s arm shot up and grabbed her wrist. She looked up at her, her eyes looking dead. 

“You’ve been lying to me?” She said, voice barely a desperate, uneven whisper. 

“I—I didn’t mean to...” 

As if Kanaya’s confirmation was some sort of cue, Rose’s ragged breaths began to sound choked. “How—could—you.”

Kanaya leaned down, placing her hands on Rose’s shoulders. She could feel her own hands shaking, not knowing whether it was her own fear kicking in or if it was from Rose’s shakiness. “Rose. Please breathe.”

Rose flailed, pushing her back. “No, no, no, no.” Hot tears were pouring down her face. She wiped away at them messily. With dread, Kanaya could see that Rose’s eyes looked sort of wild and fearful now, rather than empty. Her breathing was getting worse. 

Kanaya tried again. “Rose, please—”

“No, no no!” She was yelling now, in between breaths like a fish out of water. She clamped both hands over her ears. “Stop—stop, stop it.” 

Kanaya watched her go through her fit, helpless to do anything. Her hands shook, and she had the urge to bite at her nails—a habit she thought she had given up a long time ago. She had never encountered a situation like this before. _Should I just wait? Is there anything I can do? This is all my fault. If only…_

The door burst open. “Karkat went home because he’s a—oh my God.” Jade stopped in her tracks. “Oh no! Rose!” She ran over to Rose’s side. Rose’s hands were still clamped tight over her ears. “Shhhh.” She gently placed her hands over Rose’s and began to pull them off. “It’s okay. It’s all okay. See?”

A look of terror struck Rose’s face. “No! No!” She tried to scrambled away, but Jade firmly held her. 

“Shhhh. Rose, it’s okay. There is absolutely no danger here, see?”

Rose covered up her face with her hands. “No! How could you? How could you?” 

“Kanaya?” Jade said, looking up but continuing to pet Rose’s hair. “I’m gonna have to ask you to leave. Shhhhh. I’m sure you didn’t mean to—shhh, Rose, it’s okay—but you might’ve said a word or two that triggered her panic attack.” 

_Anxiety. Panic. Right._ “A-all right. Please let me know how she is.” Kanaya said, picking up her bag. 

“Will do.” Jade said, waving a little before diverting her attention back to Rose. As Kanaya left, she could still hear Jade. “Rosie, we’re gonna try the breathing thing. You remember the breathing method? The five-two-five thing? Can you do that…?” 

Kanaya could feel the tears run down her face before they came. She ruined it. She ruined everything. She picked up her phone.

“Mom? Can you pick me up?” 

“Sure, honey. Is everything okay?” 

“Everything’s fine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm also sorry for this chapter. 
> 
> Hehe.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pesterlogs ahoy!
> 
> Also the end is near.   
> Oh boy.

As Porrim Maryam drove her daughter home, she felt an air of uncertainty. Kanaya was fidgeting a bit and absently checking her phone after every 30-second period. She could tell the girl was anxious about something. 

“You seem a little quiet, dear. Something on your mind?”

“Not really.” Kanaya was always a bad liar. 

“Is it about…Rose?” Porrim asked slowly. Kanaya looked surprised for only half a second—immediately remembering how easy it was for her mother to read her. She took the other half a second to come up with an excuse. 

“Yes. She…didn’t like the idea of putting vampires into our joint story.”

“What! Who doesn’t love blood-drinking creatures of the night?” 

“I know!” 

Porrim left it at that. If Kanaya didn’t want to tell her what was really bothering her, she didn’t have to. A couple of minutes passed before she glanced over to Kanaya’s phone for a brief second. “So I’m guessing you’re waiting for her to apologize first?” 

“Something like that.” Kanaya murmured before her buzzing phone startled her. It was Jade, just as she suspected. 

don’t worry! she’s totally okay anddd i just called dirk so he’ll take her home.

Oh Thank Goodness  
And Thank You For Everything Jade 

its no problem! rose has been dealing with this for a long time and so me and john and dave have learned to deal with it too. 

Im Sorry I Couldnt Be Of Any Help Though 

As soon as she hit “send,” Kanaya realized she was home. She got out of the car, told her mother she wasn’t hungry yet, kissed her on the cheek, and went to her room to check her phone. 

its no big deal! you’ll learn to be able to help her too in situations like these. i’ll link you to a site later that tells you about techniques that are especially helpful for rose  
oh dirks here! hes gonna take me home too 

Thats Good To Hear  
What Is Rose Doing Now 

welllll she was being kinda mopy and quiet. probably reflecting and thinking and stuff. now she looks kinda relieved to see dirk but still tired-ish  
shes probably going to sleep as soon as she gets home. 

Is That What She Usually Does After An Anxiety Attack 

yeah!! it helps her calm down and get her mind off stuff. also she just asked me if i was talking to you and looked more worried and embarrassed than anything else so i think you two will be okay!!!! 

Is That So  
I Think I Deserve Her Anger 

what no!!! i already told you its not your fault! anddd dirk just dropped me off. i’ll ask dave to talk to you about rose if you want to be updated. is it ok to give your chumhandle to him now??

Oh Uh Sure 

great!! and be sure to speak to rose too after she wakes up. 

I Will 

ok then ill talk to you later!! :) 

Bye Jade 

Kanaya wasn’t too keen on talking to Dave. She didn’t know him that well and frankly, she couldn’t understand his jargon and references at times. She wondered if he’d be angry at her. After ten or fifteen minutes of fumbling through homework to keep herself distracted, a message from a chumhandle she didn’t recognize popped up. She could recognize, however, the tone of the message as belonging to none other than one Dave Strider.

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering grimAuxilliatrix [GA]

TG: sup maryam   
TG: im here from my reconnaissance mission in sisterland   
TG: she’s recovered from her grimdark throes and has little left in her arsenal   
TG: shes sleepin peacefully in her bed like a babe   
TG: and by babe i mean baby   
TG: her being a babe isnt really my call its more like yours  
GA: Excuse Me  
GA: Rose Just Suffered From A Panic Attack   
GA: And You Are Making Fun Of Her For It  
GA: I Dont Really Care How Habituated You And Your Friends Are To Her Condition But I Find Your Joking Manners To Be Very Disrespectful To Her   
TG: whoa whoa calm yourself maryam   
TG: okay look the last thing she wants if for you to make a big fucking deal about it, okay?  
TG: its when mom or bro or anyone else fusses over it that she gets upset   
GA: Sorry  
TG: yeah its okay   
TG: but okay storytime so one day she had a panic attack   
TG: me and jade saw her have one before but it was johns first time seeing it   
TG: and after it was over john, the nerd he is goes “wowie rose you just went full grimdark!”   
TG: and it was some of the dumbest shit that came out of his mouth   
TG: and that’s sayin’ A LOT cause i mean dumb shits usually what comes out of the kids mouth   
TG: but it made her laugh   
TG: like the chick just had a panic attack and she started laughing right after because of what he said   
TG: so yeah now we just call it ‘going grimdark’ like oh shit rose went grimdark not again rose!!   
TG: her panic attacks ARE a big deal but like we need to ease up all the tension, you feel me?   
GA: No I Would Not Like To Feel You Dave   
GA: But I Guess I Understand What Youre Trying To Say   
GA: I Dont Know About Roses Experiences As Well As You All Do   
TG: well we’re not trying to make you feel left out or anything  
TG: that’s why im giving you the down low now see?   
GA: Yes I See   
GA: Thank You   
TG: no problem   
TG: and like jade said don’t blame yourself yadda yadda   
TG: also can you do me a favor   
GA: I Suppose I Could   
TG: can you get that girl to take her medicine  
TG: if she just took her meds it wouldnt happen   
GA: Why Doesnt She Take Them   
TG: i dunno what runs through her crazy head   
TG: probably thinks she doesn’t need them   
TG: and wants to get over it herself   
TG: like mom’s been trying to get her to see a therapist for years but she wont budge   
TG: and i cant tell if its been worse or better since me and bro came into the picture   
GA: Im Sure Its Been Better Dave   
GA: Her Mother Has Been The Cause Of Her Apprehension For Years So Having Additional Family Members Must Help   
TG: oh you know about that huh   
TG: well i dunno. she does dig bro   
TG: but she doesnt listen to him either   
GA: Then I Sincerely Doubt She Will Listen To Me Either   
TG: yeah but if you haven’t noticed   
TG: shes fucking crazy about you   
TG: least you could do is try   
GA: Okay   
GA: If She Ever Forgives Me   
TG: for what   
GA: For Causing Her To Panic   
TG: jesus christ how many times do we have to tell you its not your fuckin fault  
TG: its happened because of reasons and its happened without reason   
TG: its like flipping terezis ugly ass scratched coin to predict like hmmm magic coin did rose panic over nothing or for a good reason   
TG: and even when its for a reason its unreasonable   
TG: like you know how many times mom blames herself for roses anxiety when virtually none of it is her fault   
TG: just cause rose cant deal   
GA: I Dont Think Its Like That At All   
GA: I Think Rose Has Been Scared To Put Her Trust In People She Loves   
GA: Because They Always Let Her Down   
GA: Even Ive Let Her Down   
GA: I Agree That She Should Be Taking Her Medications And Such   
GA: But I Also Believe Were All To Blame   
TG: ok you just reminded me of a sum41 song from 7th grade that i wish I forgot about   
TG: but anyway i guess youre right too   
TG: i understand how she feels but   
TG: she cant continue like this, you know?   
GA: I Know   
GA: Ill Try To Help Her To The Best Of My Abilities   
GA: If Thats Worth Anything At This Point   
TG: it is im like n% sure it is   
GA: Thats Not Very Reassuring   
TG: why not you can fill that n with anything you like   
GA: …  
TG: point is, i believe in you   
TG: just like nitram believes in like fairies and shit   
GA: Thanks  
GA: ?  
TG: yeah yeah no need for groveling there maryam   
TG: welp striders gotta stride   
TG: catch ya later   
GA: Take Care  


turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering grimAuxilliatrix [GA]

Talking to Dave surprisingly calmed her somewhat. He was a nice guy, although rudely blunt at times. She could understand why he annoyed Karkat so much, but maybe it was only because neither of them really gave each other a chance. They were even similar in some ways. 

She idly browsed the internet while waiting for Rose to wake up. She wondered if she should call her instead, but thought it would be better to speak to her on Pesterchum to further get her used to the idea that Kanaya and grimAuxiliatrix are one person. After about half an hour, her mother called her down to eat something. She had made chana masala, Kanaya’s favorite. She thanked her mother for it, though she had a hard time swallowing. She was anxious to talk to Rose. She thought about leaving quickly, but then suddenly felt bad for alienating Porrim so much. She decided to stay and have some tea, talk about her story, and hear about her mother’s day at work. 

Almost an hour passed before Kanaya jolted up and said she had something to do. She rushed upstairs and found that Rose still hadn’t messaged her. She almost felt relieved. The feeling lasted only a few seconds before she received a strange message from Rose. 

tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering grimAuxilliatrix [GA]

TT: hay baby ;)   
GA: Um   
GA: Is This Dave Messing With Me   
TT: noooo sily its rosse  
TT: see the purplr texts and tt’s and stuff   
GA: No I See Those Things But  
GA: Rose  
GA: Are You Drunk   
TT: drukn on life babby!!  
GA: Please Rose Are You Or Are You Not Drunk   
TT: you bett your bitches  
TT: i mean britches* hahaha you bet ur britces   
GA: I Would Like To Say Im A Little Disappointed In You Right Now   
GA: But I Am Not Really In Any Position To Do So   
GA: Considering What Ive Done   
TT: ohh no no see thast were your wrogn!   
TT: i just freaked out a litle earlreir but im glad your ga AND my gfriend  
TT: you alresdy knew the thigns I woud be tpo embarrassed to tlel you myself!!!   
TT: like i alreddy likd you wen we hadn’t met irl   
TT: and you new the wierd shit i was itno and all myissues   
TT: and yu stil loev me even thouhi was a bitxh to u at fisrt  
TT: how can i possibyl ask for mre than that huh>   
GA: Rose   
GA: Its Nice Of You To Forgive Me Right Away   
GA: But You Are In No State To Do So   
GA: I Will Speak To You When You Are Sober   
TT: no!!  
TT: i wil have you know im still in charage of my faculuties   
TT: and don’t you know alcohl makes ppl more thurtful  
TT: truthfull*   
GA: Im Sure It Does But I Know For A Fact That You Hate Alcohol And You Didnt Want To Drink Yourself To An Excess Again After Last Time   
TT: heh im like loking back and thigkng if ga knows that or kansya does   
TT: and still raping my head wrounf the fact youre the same pelple   
TT: wrapping* ahah fredian slep ;)   
GA: Okay Ive Already Had Enough Of Inebriated Rose For Today   
GA: I Believe You Need More Rest In Order To Sober Up   
GA: And Only Then Will We Be Able To Discuss What Happened   
TT: oh my goddd kapaya ist like you wnat me to be mad at you like yu cant just have mw forgib you   
TT: you nughty girl yuo wana be punished ;)   
GA: Well I Dont Expect Punishment In The Way You Seem To Be Suggesting With Your Innuendo Involving A Semicolon and Outer Parenthesis   
GA: But I Lied To You   
GA: I Broke Your Trust   
GA: And I Dont Believe I Should Be Able To Get Away With That So Easily   
TT: they were motsly lies of emosion thohhg  
TT: omission*   
TT: i think  
TT: expect daying you didnnt have a petershum I geuss   
GA: Even That   
GA: It Felt Terrible To Lie To You   
GA: And Then Log Onto Here And Pretend To Be Someone Other Than Who I Presented Myself To You As At School   
TT: then ehy didn you just toll me   
TT: tell i mean ahaha  
GA: Because I Didnt Want To Shock You At First   
GA: I Decided To Wait For The Right Moment   
GA: But The Right Moment Kept Passing Me By   
GA: And We Became So Close   
GA: I Think At Some Point I Forgot About It   
GA: I Just Didnt Know How To Broach The Subject Anymore   
GA: I Was In Too Deep   
TT: mhmm but babby you knoe how deeep i like it ;)   
GA: Rose   
GA: Please   
GA: I Dont Know Whether To Laugh Or Cry Right Now   
GA: I Guess You Can Read This Conversation Again When Youre Sober   
GA: And Then We Can Talk   
GA: I Just   
GA: Im Going To Go Now Okay   
TT: waaiiiit noooo  
TT: keynay plesse dont go  
GA: Rose You Are So Incoherent And Its Making Me Feel Foolish To Even Speak To You Like This   
TT: ok ok but what iffff I told yuoo   
TT: that   
TT: I’m not even drunk right now.   
GA: What  
TT: That’s right, Kanaya.   
TT: I’m not even drunk.   
TT: I just wanted to see how long you’d last.   
TT: ;)   
GA: What  
GA: Rose I   
GA: What!!!  
TT: I see I have even coerced you into using punctuation.   
TT: One of my better accomplishments, I must say.   
GA: Okay   
GA: I Guess I   
GA: Deserve That?   
TT: Yes, you now have the experience of talking to someone who is not who they say are.   
TT: In your case, you have been talking to sober Rose pretending to be drunk Rose.   
TT: At least, I assume that’s how drunk Rose would sound.   
TT: Actually, I was mostly copying my mother’s typing style.   
GA: Wow Um   
GA: Good One Rose  
TT: I hope I didn’t upset you too much, dear.   
TT: Or put you in any sort of shock?   
GA: Shock Yes   
GA: But I Still Dont Know Whether I Would Like To Laugh Or Cry   
TT: You can always attempt to do both simultaneously.   
GA: No Thats All Right   
GA: I Think Ill Just Sit Here And Stare At The Screen In Consternation  
TT: Revenge is sweet.   
TT: I’m giggling to myself like a schoolgirl at this very moment.   
TT: I thought you should know.   
GA: But Then   
GA: About Our Conversation  
GA: Did You Mean Everything You Said?   
TT: Only if you did.   
GA: Of Course I Did!   
GA: Even Though I Can Hardly Put Into Words How Contrite I am Feeling   
TT: Not this again.   
TT: I already told you that I forgive you.   
TT: More than forgive. I should thank you.   
GA: ?   
TT: You know, I was worried that if you knew the real me, you would be disgusted.   
TT: Even my friends didn’t know about some of the details about my early life that I told you.   
TT: And they most definitely don’t know about the kinds of stories I write. The thought of them finding out still horrifies me.   
TT: But you knew all along what kind of person I was, and what kind of person I am. I revealed myself to you before your mother even thought about moving to this town.   
TT: My friends never cared about my literary interests, so I was never afraid of them finding out what I wrote about.   
TT: But we share those literary interests. And I knew it was a matter of time before my lovely girlfriend found my fanfiction, realized my affiliation with them, and discovered what a twisted, obscene person I am.  
TT: I think that was what made me the most anxious. Your acknowledgement of what was truly going on in my head.   
TT: When I found out you and my internet friend were the same person, the shock set in and triggered my attack. I tried to stop it, but it overcame me.   
TT: I’m sorry if I scared or worried you back there. My anxiety takes over like that sometimes. It’s pretty embarrassing, really.   
TT: But anyway, as soon as it was over and I could think on rational terms, I was actually very glad.   
TT: I mean, the fatigue I get from my attacks did set in and so I slept for a little while, but I was mostly trying to reconcile everything that had just happened.   
TT: And I realized it was all for the best.   
TT: You knew of my repugnant, monstrous nature.   
TT: And you still loved me.   
GA: Love  
TT: Hm?   
GA: That Should Be In Present Tense   
GA: And Your Nature Is Neither Repugnant Nor Monstrous   
TT: I’m grateful that you think so.   
TT: And even more grateful that you’re in my life.   
GA: I Think I Will Opt Out For The Crying Option Right About Now   
TT: Me too.   
GA: But I Still Feel A Little Guilty About What I Did   
GA: As Far As Not Telling You Myself   
TT: Don’t worry about it. Procrastination is a powerful force.   
TT: And you’re only human.   
TT: I think?  
GA: No Rose Im Actually An Alien   
GA: That Is Another Thing I Forgot To Mention   
TT: I wouldn’t be surprised. Although you’d be the loveliest alien I’d ever meet.   
GA: Not As Lovely As You   
TT: Oh, you’re making me blush.   
TT: Swoon!   
TT: Okay, it’s almost dinner time and so I should leave before my mother orders Dirk to heave me up on his shoulder and take me downstairs.   
TT: I’ll talk to you after I come back.   
GA: No Thats Okay   
GA: I Believe We Should Continue Speaking In Person   
GA: We Have A Lot To Discuss Although Im Glad The Preliminary Issues Are Out Of The Way  
GA: And We Must Finish Our Story Of Course   
GA: Lets Meet Up Tomorrow At My House   
TT: All right.   
GA: See You Then   
TT: Okay. Bye!   


tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering grimAuxilliatrix [GA]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You didn't really think I'd use the drunk Rose trope, did you?


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, it's been a very long time since I last updated and I'm so so sorry. I had such an incredibly hard time writing this last chapter--and yes, by last, I mean last. This story's finally finished! I never thought I'd write a story with 30k+ words or get 100+ kudos, so thanks to everyone who's been encouraging me!

Rose typed her goodbyes to her girlfriend quickly before Dirk’s voice boomed from down the stairs in a warning tone, “Rose?” 

“I’m coming!” She shouted back and proceeded to head to the dining table. Her mother was already pouring wine for herself and offering some to Dirk. Meanwhile, Dave was making a point in showing his disdain for Rose’s tardiness by holding up a knife and fork in each hand and impatiently bouncing them up and down on the table. 

“Well, thank the lord. I was about to eat my fucking plate.” He groaned.

Dirk to give him a nice punch on the shoulder and as far as Rose could tell, he wasn’t holding back. “You’re a grown man. You can wait three minutes for your sister.” 

“Ow,” he said and quietly mumbled, “Yeah, when I don’t wanna eat nasty vegetables…call me a ‘growing boy’ but times like these…full grown hairy ass man.”

Roxy gave Dave an amused smile before turning to Rose. “Nice of you to join us, dear.” Rose studied her face for a moment. No one could tell her that the words coming out of her mother’s mouth were sincere this time. She’s just being playful, Kanaya would probably suggest. Insincere or not, she means no harm by it. 

So instead of forcing a plastic smile and responding with her usual snide remarks, Rose gave her mother an apologetic smile. “Sorry, mom. I lost track of time.” 

Roxy’s amused smile faltered a bit and worry touched her eyebrows, mostly out of confusion about Rose’s response. “That’s all right, nothing to worry about.” She turned to the rest of the family. “Shall we eat?” She received an enthusiastic response to that. 

Rose found that she was much more relaxed than usual. It may have been due to the Xanax that Jade promptly administered to her after her breathing evened out, or the relaxing nap she took after her panic attack, but it was more than that. She felt free. Kanaya had been accepting of her this whole time. She wasn’t disgusted or put off by her at all. In fact, she was the most encouraging figure in her life when it came to writing. 

Of course, she would’ve preferred if she had known from the start but…Kanaya had admitted she made a mistake and apologized. And she got her revenge, so all was well. In the middle of eating her salad, Rose suddenly thought of how she tricked her girlfriend earlier and smiled to herself, trying to contain a giggle. 

“Whatcha smiling about, sis?” Dave mumbled, his mouth full. “Thinking about something…saucy?” 

Rose ate the last bit of salad off her fork and swallowed. She pointed the utensil at her brother and threatened, “I will use this.” 

He retaliated by pointing his butter knife at her. “Bring it on.” Meanwhile, Dirk wiped away a hypothetical tear like a proud father.

“No utensil strifing today, you crazy kids!” Roxy ordered and then added, “At least not at the table.” 

Dirk groaned. “I was about to make bets, too. Loser was gonna help you clear the aforementioned table, Roxy.” 

“There’s no need,” Rose said, “I’ll do it.”

Roxy raised a brow, but smiled nonetheless. “Thanks, Rosie!” Dave did a half-shrug while stuffing his mouth, but his curiosity for his sister’s behavior showed. 

After dinner was more or less over, Dave went back to his room and Dirk headed to his “office.”

Rose stacked up a few plates and thought about how Kanaya probably works with her mother like this all the time. She probably helps her cook every night. Her mother probably taught her everything she needs to know about sewing, and Kanaya accepted her mother’s words of wisdom. They probably share tea and speak about their feelings all the time, hardly keeping secrets between them. Kanaya would never push her mother away. The two of them, they probably have a mutual understanding.Her relationship with her own mother was nothing short of a train wreck.

She watched her mother pick up a few dishes while humming to herself before casually asking, “Mom?” 

“Hm?” 

“…Am I a bad daughter?”

Her mother was so startled, she nearly dropped her plates. Eyes wide, she exclaimed, “No!” She set the dishes down on the table and hastily wiped her hands on a clean washcloth nearby. “No, of course not.” She walked up to Rose and leaned in close, resting her hands on her daughter’s shoulders. Her repressed New York accent grew thick, something that happened when she was upset. “What brought this on? Did Dave said somethin’ to ya again? That boy is just askin’ for it.” 

“No, no. It’s not about him. I was just wondering.” Rose said, shrugging and looking away. 

“Well don’t wonder anymore, ya hear me? Listen.” She locked her eyes with Rose’s and cupped her cheek. “You’re the best daughter a mother could ask for. You got this soft hair and pretty violet eyes and that cute little nose. And oh god, you’re so smart, baby. You got twice me and Dirk’s vocabulary combined and know how to use it. And you write so well, you’ve been writing poems and stories since you were four. And I could go on and on, Rosie, but half the time I don’t think you even believe me about any of that or even…” Tears pooled into Roxy’s eyes and Rose could see her own guilty reflection in them. Her mouth trembled. “…even about how I love you more than anyone else, Rose. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.” She sniffled, “Maybe I’m a bad mother, that’s why you don’t believe me. Because I’ve just lied to you so much and kept some things from you and— ”

“But all of that—that was to protect me!” Rose interrupted, covering her mother’s hand with her own. “Those lies were for my benefit, weren’t they?” That’s right, Rose thought, mothers lie to their children all the time. White lies aren’t a problem. It’s the intention that matters. 

“Yes, baby, of course. I wouldn’t lie to you for no reason, you know that, don’t you?” 

Rose bit her bottom lip. “I think…I’ve been trying to fight you for so long that I can’t remember why I’ve been doing so. Perhaps I was just…” She thought about what Kanaya had once said. “…trying to catch up with you. I just wanted to be like you, mom.”

Roxy’s eyebrows furrowed. “That’s…really?”

“Yes, but I went about it the wrong way. I think I…grew up too fast.” 

“Then it’s all on me, Rose. I wasn’t always around for you.” 

Rose thought about all of the nannies and babysitters that would spend a couple of weeks with her while her mother was away on overnight trips. Then, after she was just about ten years old, her mother had a laboratory built in the basement, with all the facilities she would need to carry out her work. 

“I was angry at you for not being around at first. But you gave up your life at the SkaiaNet facilities for me. I admired you for that. And the…” Rose coughed out a laugh, “excruciating cooking lessons you went through.” 

Roxy smiled. “I wanted to be able to cook for you.”

“You even took up cleaning the house yourself.” 

“Cleaning can be very therapeutic!” 

“You...started reading me bedtime stories more often.” 

“And then you told me you were too old for them and asked for me to read Nietzsche instead.”

“That may have been when it started.” 

“When what started, honey?”

“…Our war.” 

Roxy blinked. “What war?” 

It occurred to Rose that her mother really may not what she’s talking about. “Our passive-aggressive, snarky one-upmanship war…?” She said, almost posed as a question. 

“Huh.” Roxy said, tapping her chin. “Well, I can’t say I haven’t seen some snarkiness from you, but…I don’t think I’ve been trading any blows with you. Or have I?”

Rose stood dumbstruck. Dave was right all along. “No. No you haven’t, Mom. It must just be…the paranoia I experience alongside with my generalized anxiety.” Roxy opened her mouth but before she could speak, Rose continued, “Which I’m working on! I’ll take my medicine. And I’ve found new methods to cope with it so…please don’t worry any more.”

“Sweetie…”

“And I won’t fight you any longer, from here on out. This one-sided war is…it’s over.” She pulled her mother into a hug. “I’m sorry for being such a brat all these years.” 

“Rose…” She pulled her daughter closer. “It’s all right. And I’m sorry for…everything, really.” 

They held each other for a few moments before Rose pulled away and coughed, “I should go. Plenty of homework to do.” 

“You know you’re supposed to finish that before dinner!” Roxy said playfully. “But I’ll let it slide this time.” 

“Thanks, Mom.” Rose grinned and began to walk upstairs. She stopped midway up. “Oh! I forgot to tell you. I’m going to Kanaya’s house tomorrow.” 

“Oh!” Roxy smiled slyly and winked. “Have fun.” 

Rose rolled her eyes, still smiling. She almost made it up the stairs before she stopped and went back down a few steps. She leaned against the reeling, “And Mom?” 

Roxy stopped what she was doing and looked up. “Yes, dear?” 

Rose surprised herself by how easily the words tumbled out of her mouth. 

“I love you.”

Roxy’s eyes widened. How long had it been since she heard those words from her daughter? 

Her eyes softened again. “I love you, too.” 

\----

Kanaya paced around nervously in her living room, awaiting Rose’s arrival. Of course, everything seemed to be okay between them now, but Kanaya couldn’t help but be worried. She nearly started to bite her nails—a habit she had a severe problem with in her childhood until her mother painted her nails with clear polish made from cayenne pepper. She hadn’t bitten her nails since. 

The sound of the doorbell ringing jolted her upwards. She opened the door to find Rose, her face glowing. She perked up as soon as Kanaya opened the door and smiled with teeth. 

“Hi.”

“H-hello, Rose.” Kanaya said, curiously admiring her outfit. She was wearing a flower-printed dress that Kanaya had approved of when she had been in Rose’s room last. She wore leggings underneath and a small denim jacket covered her shoulders. Her usual laptop bag was swung on her shoulder.

“What’s wrong?” Rose asked. 

“Nothing! Sorry. Please come in.” 

A she followed Kanaya in, she commented “You seemed a little distant for a moment there, Kanaya.” She set her bag down on a table in the living room. “Perhaps I should have brought flowers?”

Kanaya remained turned away from her, silent for a moment before suddenly pulling Rose into a tight hug. 

“I’m so sorry…” She murmured into her feathery blonde hair. Before Rose could protest, she continued. “I know you’ve forgiven me, but I want you to hear it. It’s just that…” She thought about Rose’s wide-eyed choking and gasping face. “I just never want to see you like that again. I will never cause you that much pain again.” 

“I—I’m sorry you had to see me like that.” 

“Don’t…” Kanaya mumbled, visibly shaking against Rose. “Don’t apologize. I’m the one who’s supposed to be apologizing. I lied to you, and furthermore, I…I let you down, Rose. You trusted me…” 

Rose gently broke out of the hug, looking up into Kanaya’s eyes. “And I still do.” She said firmly. “More than ever. I now know to trust your judgment calls. I know you would never intentionally hurt me, Kanaya. And I’m trying to apologize for believing that you did, even for just a moment.” Kanaya’s mouth twitched. She licked her lips and looked around, as if she could find something to say from invisible writing on the walls.

Finally, she said, “I’m being a terrible hostess. Sit down. I’ll get you something to drink.” Rose heard the clanking of a teapot being set on the stove and a stream of water from the faucet. “I’ll set some tea. Would you like something else meanwhile? Water? Cranberry juice?”

Rose thought about suggesting that she didn’t need anything, but her girlfriend would fuss. “Juice would be nice.” She promptly came back with two glasses filled with cranberry juice. Just as she set them down on the coffee table and took her place next to her girlfriend, Rose said, “I spoke with my mother.” 

Kanaya took a sip of her juice and raised an eyebrow. “That’s…a good sign.” She said, pausing before asking, “About what?” 

“About what a shitty daughter I’ve been.” 

Kanaya made a face that could just as easily been interpreted as a reaction to the sourness of the juice. “Don’t say that.” 

“No, it’s true. I’ve always pitted myself against her and then played the victim. She’s been trying to be a good mother. But I’ve been trying to be the shittiest daughter imaginable, all because of my own paranoia. But I finally spoke to her. I wanted to settle this. You and Dave and everyone were right. And…” She drifted off for a second, as if what she was about to say next was not something she liked to admit. “…I was wrong. So very wrong.” In a defeated manner, she slumped down on Kanaya’s shoulder.

Kanaya rested her chin on top of Rose’s head. She took a hold of her hand and drew small circles on her palm. “You can’t always be right.” 

“But I’ve been horrible to her. To everyone.” 

“That’s not your fault. You were confused and scared and dealt with those emotions the only way you knew how.”

“You mean, by being a bitch?”

Kanaya sighed. “Well. That’s one way to put it. But that no longer matters.” She patted Rose’s cheek. “You’ve been trying to be better.” 

“Only because of you.” She reached up to press a shy kiss to Kanaya’s lips, as if it was their first time again. Kanaya felt it too, the prickly excitement of a first kiss mixed with the familiar feel of her girlfriend’s lips. 

After a few more kisses, Kanaya pulled away, remembering something. “Your brother thinks you should take your medicine more often.”

Rose’s mouth slowly turned into a smirk. “And here I thought you were going to say something romantic.”

Kanaya ignored that. “And I think he’s right.”

Rose sighed. “All right. I’ll take my medications. But I’ll have you know, the side effects that manifest themselves as headaches and nausea are not pretty.”

“Then you have other options, such as the tea that my mother suggested to you previously. And you may also benefit from aromatherapy. Patchouli and sandalwood work wonders, apparently, but lavender is one of the best anti-anxiety scents. You’re already a fan of it, so I believe you would not mind lighting some lavender incense or perhaps using a diffuser in your room when you’re feeling particularly—”

“Kanaya.” 

“Yes?”

“You’ve been researching this, haven’t you?”

“Was it that obvious?” 

“Yes. Very obvious,” Rose said before softly smiling and reaching up to kiss Kanaya’s cheek, “And also very sweet.”

“Sweet enough for you to take better care of yourself?” 

“Yes, that sweet. Now what’s this about lavender helping anxiety…?”

Kanaya explained her findings to Rose and together, they determined what the best scents were in Rose’s case. After all, her anxiety was less of a result from stress and more from paranoia and distrust. Kanaya retrieved her laptop and proceeded to show Rose the vast amount of choices she had when it came to aromatherapy. 

“I personally like this site because the reviews just seem much more—” Kanaya stopped suddenly. 

“What’s wrong?” 

“…we should be working on our story.” 

They had both forgotten all about it. “Right. Yes. The one due Monday.”

Kanaya agreed to send her a few articles about aromatherapy later so that they could get their assignment done. One paragraph at a time, they took turns in continuing their tale. The limit was 10 pages, but they saw that they’d need at least 12 or 13 to complete their story. 

Half an hour into their typing session, Porrim came back from work. Although they weren’t sitting too close or being suggestive in any way, the girls still felt the need to jerk apart a little when they realized she was home. She greeted them happily, asking them if they needed anything before proceeding to take her afternoon nap. Kanaya sighed in relief to hear that she would not disturb them again for some time. 

Almost an hour after their encounter with Porrim, Kanaya began to feel somewhat sleepy herself. She covered her mouth while she yawned, which prompted Rose to apologize for being so boring and said she was almost finished with her paragraph. Kanaya insisted that she was only a little tired, and just wanted to wrap up the story, which she was able to do with her own paragraph as soon as Rose was finished. Afterwards, they both agreed that the story needed one last sweep for any grammatical errors.

“How about this?” Rose giggled, “It looks like you tried to slip your strange typing quirk into this part.” When she received no response, she looked to her right and realized her girlfriend had slumped back on the couch and fallen asleep. She whispered a soft “Oh…” 

She thought about waking the other girl up, but decided at the last moment to close the lid on her laptop first. She bent down to kiss her on the nose. 

“Hmm..?” Kanaya stirred, eyes barely open. 

“Shh. You can sleep. Just lie back, like that. And make room for me.” 

“Mhmm.” Kanaya mumbled, shifting over to make room for Rose to squeeze next to her. The couch wasn’t very big, but she wrapped her arms around Rose and pulled her tight. Rose sighed contentedly, watching Kanaya breathe evenly before sleep took over her too. 

\----

“Ah, good evening, Dr. Lalonde.” Porrim greeted as she opened the door and let her guest enter. 

“Please, call me Roxy! And you must be Ms. Maryam?”

“Porrim is fine!”

“Well, Porrim. You have a beautiful home.” Roxy said, smiling widely and admiring the décor. “And also a very beautiful daughter. My Rosie is lucky to have met someone like her.” 

“Oh, no! It’s Kanaya who is lucky to meet such an intelligent and charming girl like Rose.”

“Maybe they’re both lucky that they found each other. Speaking of which, are they still working on their project?” 

“Oh,” Porrim said thoughtfully. “I haven’t heard a peep out of either of them for a while. I thought they were upstairs but Kanaya’s laptop is right there.” Roxy turned to meet Porrim’s gaze. They walked over to it before they realized that their daughters were still occupying the couch, tangled in each other’s arms. 

Dropping her voice in a whisper, Roxy exclaimed, “Oh my God, that’s adorable.”

“Should I get the camera?” Porrim gleefully whispered back.

“Oh a picture would be great but Rosie would never forgive me…”

“That’s true. They may hold it against us for the rest of our lives.” 

“Oh but look at them—” Roxy started to say, but was cut off by a stirring Rose. She mumbled something incoherent and rubbed her eyes. 

At the sight of her mother, however, her eyes widened and she gasped in surprise. She tried to get up, but as there was little room on the couch, she toppled over instead and fell off the side, landing face-first onto the floor. 

Roxy let out a loud gasp before covering her mouth. Kanaya woke up from the crashing sound and jumped off the couch to help her girlfriend up. 

“Rose! Are you hurt?”

“No…just my pride.” Rose mumbled while Kanaya and Roxy fussed over her. Meanwhile, Porrim retrieved an ice pack. 

“I’m so sorry for shocking you, dear.” Roxy said while applying the ice pack to Rose’s now-bruised forehead. 

“It’s all right. It was a…tight space to sleep in the first place, so this outcome was inevitable.”

After determining that Rose was, in fact, all right, Roxy suggested that they should get going. It was late, and Roxy had to get back to working in her lab. Porrim allowed them to go, but not before making dinner plans with the Strider-Lalonde family for a weekend or two. 

In embarrassment that their mothers were watching (and had caught them sleeping in each other’s arms), Rose and Kanaya gave each other a chaste hug as a goodbye until Monday. 

Back in the car, Roxy said, “You know, Rosie. I wouldn’t have minded if you gave your GF a kiss.”

“W-what?”

“Yeah, it’s soooo obvious you wanted to. And you shoulda told meee she was your GF I mean I had a feelin’ it was gonna happen but I wasn’t sure if she was still at your ‘special friend’ stage or what.” 

“Mom.”

“Okay, okay. I’ll shut up now.” 

“No, you’re right. I should let you know about these kinds of things.” 

“Oh, well dear, I was kidding but…” Roxy said, giving her daughter a grin. “You can tell your silly ole mom anything.” 

Rose beamed, and with a slight nod, whispered, “Yeah…”

\--- 

tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering grimAuxilliatrix [GA]

TT: What is the difference between chance and serendipity?  
GA: Were You Waiting For Me To Get Online Just To Ask That Question  
GA: Which Upon Reflection Is Not Unlike The Mythical Sphinx I Suppose   
GA: Waiting To Ambush Oedipus With Its Ridiculous Riddles   
TT: Kanaya, you realize that in this metaphor, you are identifying with Oedipus.   
TT: You know better than to let out such a juicy Freudian slip.   
TT: I tend to get ideas.   
GA: I Only Identify With Him As Far As Being Bombarded With A Riddle Out Of Nowhere   
GA: However  
GA: My Mother Is A Very Pretty Lady   
TT: …  
TT: I will not dignify that with a response.   
TT: Can you please just answer the question?  
GA: Okay Well I Think Its Quite Simple Actually   
GA: Serendipity Is A Type Of Chance   
GA: One That Specifically Has A Happy Or Otherwise Beneficial Outcome   
GA: Okay Now Im Feeling Less Like Oedipus And More Like A Dictionary   
GA: Was That Answer Satisfactory?   
TT: Yes.   
TT: Do you think our encounters—both the online and in-school ones—are serendipitous? Or did they merely occur by chance?   
GA: Are You Asking If Im Happy That We Met  
GA: Because I Think That Goes Without Saying   
TT: No, more like…  
TT: Are you happy that we met the way we met?  
GA: Um   
GA: I Guess I Could Do Without Having To Lie To You For Many Weeks  
GA: And Seeing You Panic Wasnt Very Enjoyable Either   
TT: That’s understandable.   
TT: But now I feel like it was somehow all necessary. That we were supposed to meet first online, and then in real life but be oblivious about it until something leads to us discovering who the other is.   
TT: And it just so happened that you made the discovery a lot quicker than I did.   
TT: Mainly because I revealed a lot more about myself over Pesterchum than you did.   
TT: Even the panic attack was necessary. Because I was able to reflect on everything that just happened and realize that I wanted it to happen.   
TT: I was in love with you before I actually met you.   
TT: And…  
TT: I’m not sure where I’m going with this anymore.  
TT: I hope this doesn’t sound overly sappy but  
TT: I don’t know.   
TT: I just think we belong together and the universe conspired to make it so.   
GA: Wow I   
GA: I Dont Think It Sounds Sappy At All   
GA: When I First Realized Who You Were I Pretty Much Freaked Out   
GA: But Once I Calmed Down I Began To Feel Very Giddy And Happy That We Were Physically In Each Others Presence  
GA: Although You Didnt Appreciate My Manners At All  
TT: Oh god.   
TT: I forgot I talked to you about yourself.   
TT: That’s embarrassing.   
GA: And Kind Of Funny  
TT: It’s all sorts of funny.   
TT: Were you hurt by that?   
GA: At First   
GA: But Then I Remembered Everything You Told Me About Yourself   
GA: How You Closed Yourself Off To Everyone   
GA: And So I Got Past That   
TT: Oh, yes.   
TT: Talk to me about wizard books and I’m all yours.   
GA: Pretty Much   
TT: That was kind of manipulative.   
TT: But also a major component of the serendipity.   
TT: So I’ll let it slide.   
GA: Phew.   
TT: Oh, I just realized it’s kind of late. ;  
TT: We should go to bed.   
TT: Together ;)   
GA: Oh My  
GA: I Mean We Have Gone To Bed Together   
GA: And Napped Together Earlier Today   
TT: Mhmm.   
TT: And more of that to come, I hope.   
GA: Yes   
GA: ;)   
GA: Emoticons Do Not Suit Me   
GA: We Should Sleep  
TT: Yes, let’s do that.   
TT: Goodnight!   
GA: Goodnight Rose   
TT: <3  
GA: <3

grimAuxilliatrix [GA] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's all, folks!   
> But who knows? Maybe I'll write snips from this AU once in a while, so watch out for that! 
> 
> Anyway, thanks for reading! It means so much.


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